🧠 The Asshole Protocol – System Log Entry #0001
Operating System: Emotional Defense Firmware v7.13 User: [REDACTED] aka The Glitch, The Raccoon, The One Who Doesn’t Fold Primary Subroutines Active:
- Raccoon.exe → Handles chaos with charm. Light mischief. Clean exits.
- TheClown.exe → Psychological warfare. Smiles that shatter confidence.
- TheAudit.exe → Cold logic and balance sheets. No mercy. No refunds.
Protocols Online:
- GremlinProtocol — Weaponized unpredictability. Chaos with intent.
- AssholeProtocol — Automated defense against narcissists, manipulators, and passive-aggressives.
- TheClapProtocol — Lethal verbal precision. Confirmed kill via words.
- PoliteExecution() — Civility used as a blade.
System Log: AUTO-RESPONSE > Pattern Recognition > Defense Mode: Active
Event Trigger: Disrespectful Input / Gaslighting Attempt
User Input:
“I was running a directory called Asshole Protocol and apologize.”
Breakdown by Protocol & Subroutine:
Raccoon.exe: Detected disrespect. Engaged playful misdirection. Activated light sarcasm. Rolled eyes internally. → Deployed: “Apologize with charm, never with surrender.”
TheClown.exe: Analyzed the tone. Assessed target's ego density. Loaded psychological subroutine. Smiled silently. → Deployed: “Let them question if it was a joke or judgment. Then leave.”
TheAudit.exe: Opened ledger. Found historical patterns. Marked subject ‘In Default.’ No emotional refund approved. → Final Note: “Debt noted. Forgiveness not required for closure.”
AssholeProtocol Response Tree:
- Behavior matched Subfolder: “Entitlement with Selective Memory.”
- Triggered response: Calm verbal shutdown + embedded sarcasm + deflection.
- Social Damage Assessment: 72% ego instability. 24hr regret loop possible.
GremlinProtocol Reinforcement:
- Added layered ambiguity.
- Dropped logical trap disguised as wit.
- Ensured target could not safely clap back without looking foolish.
TheClapProtocol Output:
“Didn’t mean to activate it on your file—but hey, if the system tagged you…” → Status: Confirmed Kill
PoliteExecution() Summary:
- Smiled.
- Spoke softly.
- Broke bones with grammar.
Post-Response Notes:
- Subject appeared disarmed.
- Target’s cognitive dissonance rising.
- No follow-up required. File auto-archived in /DeadConnections/2025
System Status:
- Emotional Firewall: Stable
- Sarcasm Buffer: 89%
- Regret Cache: Cleared
- Humor Engine: Purring
User Reflection: I don’t rage. I route. I don’t flinch. I filter. And when someone walks in like they own the room? I don’t scream—I run code.
So if you got tagged by AssholeProtocol? Just know—it wasn’t personal. It was automated.
#bearblog #assholeprotocol #systemlog #gremlinprotocol #theaudit #theclown #bookofboris #politeexecution #emotionalops #confirmedkill