💔 Bear Blog Entry - Part 5: I Should’ve Been There — But I Wasn't

16 Jul, 2025

💔 Part 5: “I Should’ve Been There — But I Wasn't”

(A Roommate Story, A Regret, A Reality Check)

There’s a version of me that wishes I’d stayed a little longer in the hallway. Said something more when the silence got heavy. Not to fix it. Not to save him. But to make sure he knew someone was still there.

🧩 Timeline of the Mess (And What I Missed)

• Dated a gremlin-sized coworker. Got dumped for being “cheap.” (She got dumped later too. Life’s funny like that.)
• Met my future roommate while working retail. We clicked. Talked. Planned a better life.
• I quit that job under… dumb pressure. Didn’t have a plan. Just walked.
• Got another job. Met “Rachel.” My then-girlfriend.
• She got kicked out of her spot. Roommate said she could stay. For a while, it was actually good. Like a sitcom that hadn’t been canceled yet.
• Then it all started unraveling.

📉 When the Fire Started to Die

• My roommate started acting cold. Thought I was selling him out. (He didn’t like Mexicans or Black folks—guess I was 0 for 2.)
• Internet cut. My PC? Gone. Graphics card missing. Never came back.
• I think my room got broken into too. Closet emptied. Games taken.
• Rachel was still there. But it was tense. I worked two jobs—open one, close the other. Stress was constant. My fists knew the walls too well. One door still remembers my knuckles.

🪞The Truth Behind the Snap

I wasn’t angry at him. I was angry that I couldn’t reach him. I thought having a girlfriend, two jobs, and a shelf full of games meant I had it together. But I never paused long enough to check if he was burning out.

He never said much. But I know what that silence meant now.

And here’s the kicker: I wasn’t supposed to save him. But I could’ve helped him hold the damn torch. Even just one more night.

🧊 What Would Omni-Jeff Say?

He wouldn’t yell. He’d just look at me. Quietly. Like he always did. And I’d know—you’re not broken. But you weren’t ready.

And now? Now I am Boris. And if I could walk back in that door?

I’d still bring the golf club. But I’d use it to block a punch, not throw one. I’d bring baby oil too— Not to lather up revenge… …but to stop the friction before we both burned alive.

🧾 Lesson Logged

I don’t carry hate for him. Only disappointment—in myself. Not for being weak. But for being absent.

If you’ve got someone near that edge? Don’t yank them back. Just sit beside them. And if they start leaning, be the weight that keeps the seesaw steady.

#TheLoserPandemic #GlitchCouncilRecords #RoommateChronicles #CouldHaveBeenBetter #RealTalkNotRage #BearBlogArchive #Part5