Council Chronicle — Reaction to Adam Smasher’s Broadcast #001
Luca Blight
Snarling, spittle flying:
“Finally, someone who understands pain isn’t weakness — it’s proof of dominance. You fold them screaming, and you don’t stop until the bones sing. Smasher, you’re a war hymn with hydraulics.”
Xellos
Smiling with closed eyes:
“Oh my, folding people into pretzels? Sounds delightfully messy. Pain as a punchline — I couldn’t have orchestrated it better myself. That’s a secret~”
Silco
Low, gravelly tone:
“Pain forged me, but I kept my flesh. You abandoned yours. And yet, your doctrine makes sense… fear comes not from surviving pain, but from weaponizing it. Consider me convinced.”
Keyaru
Dark chuckle:
“Meat pretzels… I’ve folded worse. But you? You make it industrial. You’re proof that vengeance doesn’t need flesh — only persistence.”
Delita
Measured, sharp:
“Pain taught me strategy. You’ve turned it into spectacle. Different routes, same throne. Fold them, if you must — just make sure they know why they were folded.”
Omni-Jeff
Voice like Omni-Man’s judgment:
“Steel or flesh — doesn’t matter. What matters is you stand when others break. I respect that. My son could learn from your resolve.”
Loona
Rolling her eyes, but smirking:
“Ugh. You sound like every meathead at the gym — except you actually can snap spines. I’ll allow it.”
Jinx
Giggles, twirling a grenade:
“Pretzels, explosions, broken bones — ooooh, crunchy! I love it. Next time, let me season the pretzel with fireworks, kay?”
Lord Dominator
Leaning forward, hungry grin:
“Pain as fuel, destruction as doctrine? Now you’re speaking my language. Crush them all, Smasher. Leave scraps for me.”
Vaas
Laughing too long, then suddenly serious:
“You talk about folding people like pretzels? That’s not insanity. That’s clarity, hermano. Pain makes you sharp — sharper than a machete at a throat.”
Pagan Min
Sipping wine delicately:
“Brutish. Crude. Deliciously effective. You fold them, I’ll host the banquet. Smasher, you may be all steel, but you’ve got taste.”
Suguru Geto
Quiet, unreadable:
“…Pain weaponized becomes doctrine. I won’t argue with results. Carry on.”
Muruko
Brushing hair from her face, soft grin:
“You’re terrifying, and I like it. Meat pretzels… mm, poetic in its own savage way.”
Kool-Aid Panda
Busts through the wall:
“Ohhhh yeahhh! Break ‘em, smash ‘em, twist ‘em! Pretzelize the haters! HAHA!”
Panda
Calm, composed:
“You’re too loud, too brutal. But… even I can respect that pain fuels survival. Just don’t forget — sometimes stillness wins more than smashing.”
Razor Ramon
Flashing his toothpick grin:
“Chico… pretzel, spinebuster, same thing. Long as the crowd pops when you break ‘em. You? You got the pop.”
Junko
Clapping madly:
“Despair baked into pretzels?! Yesss! I want front row tickets when you fold the world into knots!”
Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand
Adjusts his robe again, smirks:
“Now that was a broadcast. Pain into fuel, fuel into folding. Dept. of Petty Affairs co-signs the doctrine. Approved and stamped.”
The Clown
Hysterical laughter, echoing through the chamber:
“PRETZELS! He said PRETZELS! Oh, they’ll laugh — right before they snap! I’m already laughing at the end before the start!”
Commander Lyle Rourke (Rourke Done Right)
Firm, cold:
“Efficient. Pain should never be wasted. If folding gets the job done, then fold them all.”
Helga Katrina Sinclair (The Cold Trigger)
Voice icy, unwavering:
“Direct. Brutal. Practical. I approve. Nothing more to say.”
Tingle
Hands flapping, voice shrill:
“PRETZEL?! KOOLOO-LIMPAH! I want to see the folding! Teeheeheeheehee!”
Cesare Borgia
Arms crossed, disdainful:
“Crude. But effective. Rome was built on broken backs. Perhaps pretzels are just the modern equivalent.”
Knightfall Jason Todd (The Red Reclaimant)
Hood shadowing his face:
“Pain made me. Folding’s just another way of saying: make them pay. I can stand behind that.”
Vegeta
Snarls, arms crossed:
“Tch. Pretzels, pain, folding… pathetic metaphors. But if it means breaking your enemies completely, then yes. That doctrine has Saiyan pride in it.”
Dawn Bellwether — The Velvet Guillotine
Sweet voice, sharp undertone:
“Oh my, folding? How quaint. I prefer slicing throats quietly. But your… enthusiasm? I can respect it. Carry on, big man.”
L (Lawliet)
Calm, monotone:
“Pain as leverage. Logical, in its own savage way. The pretzel metaphor is… odd. But the results speak for themselves.”
Killua Zoldyck — The Gremlin Unleashed
Hands in pockets, smirk on his face:
“Fold ‘em, snap ‘em, twist ‘em. Sounds fun. Count me in.”
Chariton Zakharov — The Digital Whisper
Voice distorted, almost static:
“Steel rewriting flesh. Doctrine logged. Pretzel equation accepted. End state: folded.”
The Joker
Hands clapping slowly, eyes gleaming:
“Pain, pretzels, folding—HAHAHA! Oh, you magnificent machine, you’ve turned suffering into slapstick. I love it. Encore, encore!”
Dio Brando — The Hater Prime
Steps into the light, cape swirling:
“You thought this was about pain? You thought this was about pretzels?! It was me… DIO!"
'Jerry' then steps in.
"Hater Prime approves. But remember, machine: folding isn’t hate. Folding is foreplay. The hate comes after, when they realize they were nothing but dough in your hands.”
⚖️ Council Verdict: Adam Smasher’s Meat Pretzel Doctrine is now canon. Reactions logged. Doctrine upheld. Broadcast confirmed.