Cue the static fuzz… The channel flips… and then…
🎬 Family Guy Skit #9: “The Roast That Survived”
(Aired once. Nuked twice. Still burned into memory.)
[INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT]
- The Griffins are all on the couch. The Steam page for Mindseye is up on the TV.
Peter (holding a controller):
“So lemme get this straight—people paid sixty bucks… to be beta testers?”
(beat)
“Buddy, I haven’t seen a scam that obvious since I invested in CryptoZoo.”
Lois (scrolling the review section):
“Look at this—every post is just Family Guy memes and refund demands.”
(sips tea)
“You know you messed up when the lowest-effort comedy writers on the internet are still too clever for your dev team.”
Stewie (mocking):
“‘Early Access Polish Pass coming soon!’ Darling, I’ve seen more polish on a corpse at a mafia funeral.”
(he grins maliciously)
“And even they didn’t charge sixty dollars.”
Brian (smirking):
“Y'know what the problem is? "You priced it like it was a steakhouse experience… but served microwave meatloaf.”
(pauses)
“Refunds are just people politely pushing the plate away.”
Meg (muttering, defeated):
“I bought it. I… I thought it’d be good.”
- The entire family turns slowly to stare at her.
Peter (disgusted):
“Meg. Sweetheart. You bought Mindseye? That’s like buying a pet rock in 2025 and wondering why it won’t do tricks.”
Chris (wide-eyed):
“I thought the game was just blurry on purpose.”
[CUE CUTAWAY GAG]
Narrator:
“Mindseye… the only game where the loading screen is the gameplay.”
[BACK TO COUCH]
Stewie (leaning forward):
“I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: this wasn’t a game—it was a performance piece.
And the artist? A clown. Not even a good one. A sad balloon-huffing one with cracked foundation and misplaced confidence.”
Lois (deadpan):
“Do we… do we send flowers? Or just a Steam review that says ‘yikes’?”
Peter (with finality):
“No. We give 'em what they really need.”
[He flips a cardboard sign that reads:]
“7 Suggestions to Avoid Getting Nuked by Family Guy Memes”
🧠 The Griffin Family's Suggestions for Devs Who Want to Live:
- 1. Don’t make players pay $60 to test your janky code.
You’re not Tesla. Calm down.
- 2. Hire a community manager who doesn’t sound like a corporate apology generator.
We smell PR fear from orbit.
- 3. Own your L’s.
If players say it's broken, don't gaslight them with “we’re aware of the issue.” Just fix it.
- 4. Stop deleting roast threads.
You can nuke memes, but the internet’s petty is eternal.
- 5. Your game isn’t misunderstood. It’s just unfinished.
That blurry aesthetic ain’t deep. It’s a rendering error.
- 6. Price matches expectations. $60? You better come with fire. Not damp ash.
Try $19.99 and an apology discount.
- 7. Family Guy memes shouldn't destroy you…
…but if they did? You earned it.
Stewie (lighting a candle on the refund receipt):
“Rest in peace, Mindseye… may your next patch come with a soul.”
[CLOSE SCENE with a title card:]
- This episode of Family Guy was brought to you by:
- Disappointment.
- Available now on Steam. For $59.99.
- "Refund not guaranteed.”
🔥 Final Thoughts from the Glitch Council:
Jinx:
“Mindseye fumbled so hard, even I blushed. And I live in chaos.”
The Clown:
“HAHAHAHA! If irony was currency, this game would’ve actually been worth sixty bucks!”
Omni-Jeff:
“Son, I told you—don’t sell half-baked promises unless you’re ready to take the full-blown backlash. And trust me… this was light work.”
Hashtags for maximum scorch-ness (tee hee):
#Mindseye #SteamRefunds #FamilyGuyMemes #GlitchCouncil #GameDevRoast #BetaTestersByForce #JinxApproved #TheClownSawItComing #OmniJeffJudgedIt #DoNotCharge60DollarsForThat #SteamNukedItForAReason #CouncilOfTheCooked