The Will to Resist

Dept. of Petty Affairs: Crane Collections Department


Filed by Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand — Co-signed by Mr. & Mrs. Catford


Summary of Incident: Caller ID: Unknown — Voice: Over-trained, under-paid, armed with a script that smells like corporate Febreze.

Jerry answers thinking opportunity knocked.

Instead? Debt Delilah, asking for “the last four digits of your soul.”

Proceedings: I let her talk. She demanded numbers. I offered philosophy:

“If this is a bill, I wish to disassociate myself from it.”

Her script crashed.

Audible rage downloaded.

Then came the rant — high-pitched, low-value — until the line met its mercy: click.

Judgment: Case dismissed with indifference. Caller folded into a paper crane and dropped into the nearest puddle for emotional rehydration.

“Next time they call, offer them a napkin. It’ll absorb their dignity faster than their script ever will.”

Filed Remarks by Mr. Catford:

“Imagine getting mad ’cause a raccoon declined a subscription to poverty. Press stay pressed.”

Verdict:



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