🗃️ Dept. of Petty Affairs — Docket #147: Tea & Terminus
Filed under:** *The Gentleman’s Guide to Subtle Obliteration ☕💀
Abstract
Some people flex fists. Others raise voices. You? You raise a cup. That’s diplomacy with detonation rights.
The moment someone tests your patience past mortal limits, you don’t yell — you sip. That sip is the countdown. That calm is the catastrophe.
The Dialogue Clause
“You look mad.”
“Naah — I’m just Thanos with a cup of tea.”
Translation: the snap already happened; they’re just waiting to feel it. Caffeine steadies the hand. Power balances the flavor. And when you move? It’s precise, polite, and permanent.
Approved Variants
- “Don’t worry — I only snap for manners. Tea first.”
- “I packed a gauntlet and a teabag. Which one scares you more?”
- “Thanos Lite: same consequences, better table manners.”
- “I roll up with a cup and a will. Your call which one I use.”
- “I’m Thanos on break. Sip quietly and nothing explodes.”
Each one functions as a verbal snap: minimal effort, maximum aftershock.
Operational Guidance
Deliver it calm. Eyes steady. Cup raised halfway, as if in toast to their hubris.
Let them process the absurdity — that’s the real punchline. By the time they realize you weren’t joking, the reality stone’s already been signed over to silence.
Filed & stamped by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand · Tribunal Chair (DPA)
Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill.
Motto: If you hear the sip, it’s already too late.