🧾 Dept. of Petty Affairs — **Docket #482 (Refiled)
The Annual Storage Panic Ritual
Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand
Department: DPA — Seasonal Amnesia Unit
Status: Final · Closed · Don’t Reopen This Next Year
Summary
Another holiday season. Another round of “gamers are in trouble.” Another article discovering—checks notes—that storage is not infinite.
The Tribunal notes this is not a crisis. It is tradition.
Core Finding (Canonical Line)
“Every holiday, gamers discover storage is finite, prices spike, headlines scream, and by February everyone mysteriously forgets.”
This sentence alone satisfies the evidentiary burden.
Supporting Observations
- Slightly new hardware or storage format ✅
- Demand jumps faster than supply ✅
- Prices wobble upward ✅
- Media inflates the moment into destiny ✅
- Internet picks a villain of the year ✅
Historically, the villain rotates. This year it’s AI. Last year it was scalpers. Before that, corporations, miners, some guy on eBay.
The cause changes names. The pattern never does.
Jerry’s Non-Dramatic Guidance
- Buy storage early if you already planned to.
- Don’t panic-buy because someone capitalized a headline.
- Do not act surprised when markets behave like markets.
Verdict
🟨 Seasonal Noise — Fully Contained
No emergency powers required. No thinkpieces needed. No lessons will be learned.
🦝 Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand Tribunal Chair · Dept. of Petty Affairs
Motto: “See you next November.”
(Gremlin declined comment. Said, “Wake me up in February.”)