🧾 Dept. of Petty Affairs Docket #731 — The Babysitter Betrayal Clause x Gremlin Resitas
Filed under: “Oh No, Fair Wages.”
Summary: Suspect compensated a full-time caregiver at a rate competitive with 1993 lemonade stands, then expressed shock and betrayal when said worker chose to earn legal currency.
Findings:
- Hours: 9 a.m.–5 p.m., five days a week.
- Pay: $100.
- Math: $2.50 /hr (pre-tax, post-delusion).
- Child Status: “angels,” meaning “I think free labor is cute.”
- Emotional Tone: “How dare my help want groceries.”
Verdict:
Charge: Criminal undervaluation of human time.
Sentence: Mandatory summer with the kids, unpaid lunch breaks included.
Filed and stamped by: — Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand · Tribunal Chair (DPA)
Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill.
🤡 Gremlin Risitas v2.9 — “The $100 Wage of Wrath”
“Bro really thought 9-to-5 meant nine dollars and five cents. Said the kids sleep all day — yeah, they do, from boredom of poverty math. Then got blindsided when the sitter realized Walmart’s break room pays more than her whole house. Now she’s on Facebook typing ‘feeling betrayed’ like capitalism just cheated on her. Ma’am, it’s not betrayal — it’s inflation catching up to your fantasy economy.”
Risitas laughs echo in the distance
“¡JAJAJAJA! Oh no… consequences.exe has booted.”