Dept. of Petty Affairs Forecast Log #003 — Pizza Kidd: Between Fury and Paperboy
Boris clocked it again. Pizza Kidd isn’t gone, it isn’t forgotten — it’s just simmering on the wishlist with VHS static buzzing in the background.
The pitch is still the same: A high-impact 2D action beat ’em up set in a gritty sci-fi fantasy world. Battle grotesque monsters, uncover ancient secrets, and unleash martial arts fury in this pixel art brawler inspired by 90’s anime, noir comics, and arcade classics like Street Fighter II, Streets of Rage, and Ninja Warriors.
That’s the dev’s promise. That’s the storefront: Steam Page. But when the Gremlin watched the trailer (GameTrailers — Pizza Kidd), it didn’t scream fury. It screamed parody missing its laugh track. It looked less like “gritty anime vengeance” and more like Paperboy with fists.
The Forecast
- Survival Rate: Both posts — “Santos Isn’t a Villain, He’s My Contractor” and “Pizza Kidd? More Like Paperboy With Fists” — are still standing. No nukes yet. Instead, the dev dropped a 🤡 emoji like a nervous chuckle in court.
- Community Echo: Other threads focus on bugs, black screens, and reversed animations. Meanwhile, the Catford claws remain at the top of the board. That contrast? Loud.
- Developer Outlook: They saw it. They didn’t delete it. That means it got under the skin, but not enough to risk looking thin-skinned. Expect the clown emoji to be the only shield raised.
- Future Risk: If Pizza Kidd lands at the dreaded 72%? That’s the prophecy fulfilled. That’s when the third post lands like a VHS tape jammed in the VCR, screeching “I told you so.”
The Calm Declaration
This isn’t cruelty. It’s clarity. The Gremlin doesn’t strike to wound — he strikes to note what others won’t.
And until self-awareness grows in these dev circles? The Dented Crown Protocol (link) stays sharp.
“I like the noise I hear, but I don’t participate in it — I just get a hearty chuckle out of what’s going on. Until people become a little more self-aware? I’m still going to be hurting egos via The Dented Crown Protocol.”
That’s the report. That’s the creed. And the irony? For a game called Pizza Kidd — there ain’t no pizza being dropped. Just fists.
🐀🔥
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