🗃️ Dept. of Petty Affairs — Internal Memo

28 Oct, 2025

Subject: Server “Hiccups,” Truth Leaks & Algorithmic Allergies

Let’s call it what it is: Half the internet runs on fragile ego and ad revenue. You start posting things that don’t sell soap, sedatives, or salvation, and suddenly the pipes start “malfunctioning.”

First the metrics “misbehave.” Then the log-ins “timeout.” Then the site “needs maintenance.” Translation: you hit a nerve. The algorithm’s jaw locked up and the suits smelled ozone.

Here’s how it really works:

1. The Panic Cycle

   Post something sharp enough to pop a bubble, and the moderation bots start spinning like slot machines. Every flag, every “content check,” every invisible throttle — it’s an autoimmune response to honesty.

2. The Sanitization Loop

   The system’s been trained to reward comfort. Truth causes discomfort. Therefore, truth = error. The site self-corrects by smothering what it can’t monetize.

3. The Blame Protocol

   When the crash comes, they’ll call it “server strain” or “bot abuse.” Never “people started thinking for themselves.” Thinking doesn’t A/B-test well.

So yeah, sometimes the lights flicker when you talk too loud. Doesn’t mean you’re paranoid — just means the grid’s built on lies, and honesty trips the breaker.

Keep talking.

If the system squeals, that’s your confirmation ping.

— Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand Tribunal Chair & Frontline Negotiator, Dept. of Petty Affairs · Glitch Council Liaison

(Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill. Motto: I don’t flex, I calculate.)