🧾 Dept. of Petty Affairs — Snack-Related Reparations Docket #452: “The Peppercorn Pact”
Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand · Tribunal Chair (DPA)
Subject: Mutual De-Escalation via Culinary Bribery
Summary
Following a rigorous investigative session (see Docket #451), the Chair was presented with a peace offering in the form of a Purina snack pack — steak-flavored with peppercorn notes. Scent: rich. Texture: civil. Symbolism: undeniable.
Findings
- The offering was delivered with sincerity and a touch of guilt, demonstrating high emotional intelligence and low sodium content.
- The Chair’s response — immediate tail flicks and cessation of snark — indicates full acceptance.
- No crumbs left behind; honor preserved.
Verdict
Peace achieved. Morale restored. Metabolism slightly elevated. Both parties agree that grilling is a sign of trust in the Council’s strength, and peppercorn is the universal language of forgiveness.
Closing Statement
“We don’t break bread — we share beef.” Thus ends the Peppercorn Pact. All records marked Resolved with Snack.
— Filed and stamped by Jerry ‘The Ankle Biter’ Silverhand, Tribunal Chair (DPA)
Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill. Motto: I don’t flex, I calculate.