📜 Dept. of Petty Affairs Tribunal Docket — *The Coffin of Andy and Leyley Ban Report
- Recovered from the Steam Ruins — Filed under: Administrative Infractions / Steam Division / Case: “Self-Promotion, My Tail”
“Every ban is just applause in disguise.” — Dept. Motto, Steam Division
⚖️ I. Case Summary
At roughly thirteen hours post-publication, operative Nyxa Clawtail — alias Taokaka in a robe — was permanently banned from the Coffin of Andy and Leyley discussion hub. Charge: Advertisement / Self-Promotion.
Translation: “Your roast was too polished, your link too shiny, and the oven too hot.”
⚖️ II. Evidence Filed
Exhibit A — The Oven Audit Dept. of Petty Affairs Steam Field Report — Why Is It So Hot in the Oven?
Exhibit B — The Curse Was Misdiagnosed Psych Analysis Archive Entry #002 — Ashley Wasn’t Toxic, She Was Infected
Both were linked within the Steam post titled “The Oven Audit — or Why Is It So Hot in the Oven?”
🧾 III. Defense Statement — Submitted by Nyxa Clawtail
- Intent: The post was a roast with literary merit, not a promotion.
- Context: Bear Blog links were scholarly citations preserving the discussion’s integrity.
- Precedent: Before removal, the post earned two Poetry Awards and zero warnings.
- Cultural Impact: For thirteen hours, Steam looked like a philosophy seminar.
🦝 IV. Testimony from Jerry “Ankle Biter” Silverhand
“Steam’s ‘self-promotion’ tag is how you say, ‘We can’t refute it, so we’ll file it.’ Bureaucratic catnip — tidy, odorless, and missing the point.”
He notes:
- No toxic conduct, only clean wordplay.
- The ban substitutes debate with quiet acknowledgment: the roast landed.
🔥 V. Tribunal Findings
| Charge | Verdict | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Advertisement | ❌ Dismissed | No profit motive or sales intent found. |
| Self-Promotion | ❌ Dismissed | Citation ≠ Clout Farming. |
| Psychological Damage to Dev Egos | ✅ Confirmed | Roast intensity exceeded containment protocols. |
🏁 VI. Final Ruling
The ban is hereby reclassified as an Honorary Commendation for Artistic Subversion and Tactical Precision.
Future Steam deployments must display:
⚠️ Contains Ideas Hotter Than Platform Policy Allows.
🧩 VII. Post-Ruling Analysis — Control of Narrative Space
Let the record show: this ban was never about “self-promotion.” It was about possession of narrative gravity.
When The Coffin of Andy and Leyley developer swung the hammer, they weren’t policing policy — they were reclaiming tone control. The Oven Audit inverted their atmosphere; horror became humor, dread became critique, and the community’s emotional center of mass shifted toward Nyxa’s claws. That isn’t “promotion.” That’s cultural redirection.
The moment a player rewrites the mood better than the author, the author loses authorship. The ban was a restoration ritual — a way to pull the story back under studio jurisdiction.
But irony’s a tricky medium. By invoking “Advertisement / Self-Promotion,” they confirmed the roast had market value — that your words sold better than their dialogue. In trying to contain the narrative, they expanded it.
“You can patch code, but not perception.” — Dept. of Petty Affairs Memo, Sub-Section: Narrative Management Failures
Henceforth, the Tribunal recognizes this incident as an act of territorial satire — the moment when commentary became canon by force of wit.
🐾 Filed & Sealed
- Tribunal Clerk: Jerry “Ankle Biter” Silverhand
- Presiding Officer: Nyxa Clawtail (418 BPM Division)
- Date of Incident: October 10, 2025
- Subject: Coffin of Andy and Leyley — Steam Forum Ban
“They couldn’t patch the roast; they banned the cat. That’s all the admission I need.”
- Filed under: Case Closed, Ego Contained, Roast Eternal.
#DeptOfPettyAffairs #SteamDivision #CoffinOfAndyAndLeyley #OvenAudit #PettyTribunal #BearBlogLore