Dept. of Petty Affairs — Tribunal Hearing
Case: The Crown Smash Performance
Charges: Doodling on ego property, sticker application, ceremonial flattening.
🐾 Mrs. Catford — Director of Petty Operations
"A crown should be polished, not crayoned. Yet here we are — ego flattened into modern art. I approve. Elegance is knowing when to mock with grace, and darling… the stickers were exquisite."
🐾 Mr. Catford — Deputy of Petty Operations
"He took their shiny toy, played with it, then returned it busted. That’s glitchbait at its finest. Respect. Nothing bites harder than watching your pride handed back as limited-edition trash."
🦝 Jerry ‘The Ankle Biter’ Silverhand
"Man didn’t just clown ‘em — he set up a whole arts & crafts project first. Desk, doodle, smash. That’s petty theater. That’s why he’s the Boss. Case closed, pass me a marker."
🤡 The Clown
"HAHAHA! He gave them a crown with stickers and creases! It’s a funeral with glitter! Oh, they’ll laugh later — if they can breathe through the paper cuts!"
Verdict:
- 40% — Amused, laugh openly.
- 35% — Shocked, process in silence.
- 25% — Pressed, origami-folded.
- Sentence: Ego returned flattened, signed and dated, “Limited Edition.”
#DeptOfPettyAffairs #ConfirmedKill #CrownEdition