Dept. of Petty Affairs — Tribunal Hearing #007
Case File: Freight vs. Feelings
Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand
Pawprint Approval: Mr. & Mrs. Catford
Laughter Witness: The Clown
Charges Brought
Assistant Manager (Grocery):
- Overexplaining water pallets like you’ve never seen hydration before.
- Shocked when both pallets + drink uboats were polished off like a Thanksgiving plate.
Dairy Manager:
- Waiting until after close to play “Did you walk the aisles?” Jeopardy.
- Delegating a smashed oatmeal front instead of bending over herself.
- Wearing a crown without earning the throne.
Time Crunch:
- Only two raccoons (you + coworker) left in the endgame.
- Freight assaulted like it offended you personally.
- Store conditioned so fast it looked like no one ever shopped there.
Verdict
- Assistant Manager: Guilty of micromanagement in the first degree.
- Dairy Manager: Guilty of crown fraud.
- Time Crunch: Acquitted — handled with raccoon-level efficiency.
Graffiti on the Tribunal Wall:
“If freight offends me, I make sure it never speaks again.”
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