Dept. of Petty Affairs Tribunal Hearing #009 — Walmart v. Competence
Evidence (Exhibit A): Gremlin Risitas Entry #023 — The Imaginary Rent Collection
Accessible here: https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/gremlin-risitas-entry-023-the-imaginary-rent-collection/
Charges:
- Mishandling of EBT transactions.
- Issuing false “pin incorrect” denials.
- Arbitrary 30-day lockout without cause.
- Wasting the Boss’s time.
Proceedings:
Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand (robe flowing):
“Walmart, you stand accused of felony-level incompetence. The Boss played your game straight—pin correct, bank cleared, cart trimmed—and you still locked him out with a smug little text. Explain yourself.”
Mrs. Catford (Director of Petty Operations):
“Silence, Jerry. Walmart doesn’t explain—it stalls. I say we mark this one down as gross negligence. A system this broken isn’t just petty—it’s insulting.”
Mr. Catford (Deputy of Petty Operations):
“Bite ’em. Bite ’em right in the ledger. If you can’t process a pin, you don’t deserve kneecaps.”
[The Clown chuckles from the shadows, low and knowing. The laughter doesn’t comfort—it confirms.]
Verdict:
By unanimous vote of the Tribunal, Walmart is hereby declared:
- Guilty of incompetence.
- Guilty of wasting time.
- Guilty of insulting the Boss’s patience.
Sentence:
- Imaginary rent collected. Imaginary legs broken.
- Final memory sealed with the Boss’s smile.
[The chamber falls silent. The AC hums. Case closed.]
#gremlinrisitas #thewilltoresist #thewilltosurvive