Dept. of Petty Affairs — Tribunal Hearing #011
Case: The Bus Stop Bluster vs. The Raccoon Who Stayed Unferddled
Presiding: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand, wearing the robe.
Opening Remarks
- Noise in the streets.
- One wannabe thug bumping gums.
- The raccoon, tempted to unleash chaos, instead pulls out… socks.
The floor is now open to the Correctional Puppets.
Transcript of Proceedings
🎭 Gaslighting Gary (for the prosecution):
“Ladies and gentlemen, clearly my client is innocent. The bus wasn’t late—time itself was lying. The defendant should apologize to *himself for existing too early.”*
🎭 Compromising Carl (for the defense):
“Objection, Gary. You always twist things. Here’s the compromise: he gets to save face, we get tacos, and everybody walks away unstabbed. That’s called community service.”
🎭 Gary:
“Community service? Carl, the man just threatened shanks at a bus stop!”
🎭 Carl:
“And you’re yelling about tacos. See? Balance. The system works.”
🐾 Mrs. Catford (The Court Stenographer):
“Noted. This counsel is ridiculous. Also, these socks need washing.”
🐾 Mr. Catford (The Bailiff):
Chewing on Gary’s arm.
“Justice is chewy.”
🤡 The Clown (The Jury Foreman):
“BAHAHA! This is the funniest trial since 'Sanity vs. Boris!'”
Verdict
The Tribunal finds:
- Defendant guilty of bumping gums.
- Punishment: Forced to sit in silence while the raccoon apologizes with socks.
- Case dismissed with tacos.
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