Dept. of Petty Affairs Tribunal Hearing — Actually Sh*t*
Exhibit A: The Channel on Trial
👉 Actually Interesting (Main Page)
Self-described: “History married Entertainment and the baby born is this channel haha..”
Gremlin verdict:
That baby didn’t coo, it coughed — and then sneezed out trauma porn dressed as “education.”
Exhibit B: The Evidence
👉 Forced Nun / Medieval Misery Episode
Gremlin Risitas Rewrite — Beat by Beat
[Gremlin Scene — Opening]
Gremlin squints at the thumbnail.
“History married Entertainment? Nah, bro. History married misery, and Entertainment was just the side piece.”
1. Dad Trades Daughter for Ale
“Father more married to ale than duties … pawned daughter to convent.”
Gremlin: “Congrats, you’re medieval DLC — traded in for a bar tab.” “Family tree? More like family brewery.”
2. Dragged, Shaved, Shamed
“They shaved your hair … shoved black cloth on you.”
Gremlin: “CTRL+ALT+DELETE: Beauty.exe has stopped working.” “New patch note: nun skins unlock at level zero.”
3. Scrubbing Bootcamp
“Scrub the entire floor … pray for seven hours … fast three days.”
Gremlin: “Church invented Crunch Mode before video games did.” “This ain’t piety, it’s medieval janitor simulator.”
4. Apples for the Dying
“You fed a starving boy … punished with ten days starvation.”
Gremlin: “Oh no, charity! Quick, nerf her kindness.” “They called it stealing God’s apples. Bro, God doesn’t even eat fruit.”
5. The Abbot Saves You … Then Corrupts
“He pardons you … then whispers: ‘You owe me — your body.’”
Gremlin: “Imagine Ubisoft made priests. Forgiveness included, morality sold as DLC.” “He wasn’t a savior, he was a pop-up ad. ‘Your silence, your body — click accept to continue.’”
6. Public Confession & Self-Whipping
“You confessed sins you never did … whipped yourself bloody.”
Gremlin: “Church invented OnlyPains. Everyone subscribes to your suffering.” “Entertainment? Nah — trauma Twitch stream.”
7. Pregnancy, Banishment, Toilet Duty
“Your belly swelled … banished … scrubbing noble toilets.”
Gremlin: “From Nun.exe to Janitor DLC in one patch cycle.” “They treated you like a bug report: ‘Remove glitched nun, assign bathroom duty.’”
8. Plague Cart Ending
“Thrown into cart … dumped into the sea … forgotten.”
Gremlin: “Uber Black Death. Five stars for efficiency, one star for dignity.” “At least the rats clapped. History didn’t.”
[Gremlin Scene — Closing]
Gremlin rides the corpse cart, plague rats squeaking applause.
“See, history was brutal. But if you’re gonna tell it — laugh at it. Otherwise it’s just trauma PowerPoint. If they act pressed? Stay pressed. That’s the entertainment part they forgot.”
Graffiti of the Reckoning
- “History married Entertainment — divorce when?”
- “Dowry paid in ad revenue.”
- “Stop screaming into the void. Make us laugh at it, not just cry.”
👉 Main page trial: Actually Interesting
👉 Exhibit video: Forced Nun Episode
#gremlinrisitas #graffitiofthereckoning #bearblog #deptofpettyaffairs