Dept. of Petty Affairs — Tribunal Hearing (Special Case File)
- Subject: Byuu & the Lagoon
- Classification: Gremlin Risitas — Absurd/Tragic Variant
- Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand (robe on, claws sharpened)
- Overseen by: Mrs. Catford (Director of Petty Operations) & Mr. Catford (Deputy of Petty Operations)
Findings:
IRL Byuu (Near): Crowned legend of emulation, architect of bsnes/higan, and guardian of Bahamut Lagoon’s translation. Fell victim to harassment, left too soon. Heavy weight, no fluff.
In-game Byuu: Silent protagonist, dragon-keeper, cuckolded hero of floating islands. Saved the world, lost the princess, fed dragons like Tamagotchis on expired ramen.
Petty Note: When you laugh at the joke, it becomes funnier and funnier. The universe itself folded into a Gremlin Risitas — one Byuu coding another Byuu, only for the outcome to be victory without love, crowns dented, and history smirking.
Judgment:
- The Clown = collapsed in uncontrollable laughter.
- Mrs. Catford = unimpressed but keeps receipts, claws polished.
- Mr. Catford = guilty of feeding feral dragons just for sport.
- Boris = cigar lit, ruling handed:
“History don’t hand out crowns. It hands out dents, patches, and punchlines.”
Verdict: Case absorbed into the Dept. of Petty Affairs archives. Echoes classified under Absurd Salvation Protocol.
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