Dept. of Petty Affairs Tribunal Hearing #ToddZoomer

03 Oct, 2025

Case: Conspiracy Girls vs. Graeldon “Todd Zoomer” Alphabet Man

📎 Game Link: Conspiracy Girls: The Madness of Madison Delaroux

📎 Discussion Threads (Exhibit A & B):

• Who is Madison?
• The madness of the madness

Intro

Some people review games. Some people perform reviews.

And then there’s Graeldon—better known in these halls as Todd Zoomer—who strutted into Steam with an alphabetical review series. Cute, right? Except when he hit “C” for Conspiracy Girls: The Madness of Madison Delaroux… suddenly “C” stood for Clown Energy.

He even plugged his YouTube in the review like it was his mixtape nobody asked for. Imagine being so confident in your punchlines that you wrote “the game froze on me”… and then your jokes froze too.

So, in the spirit of petty justice, we called a tribunal. The Catfords presided. The Clown wheezed. Jerry the Ankle Biter lit a cigarette and laughed. The Gremlin? He showed up late, juggling USB sticks and a taco.

Court is now in session.

[Gremlin Scene — Opening]

[Gremlin bursts into the tribunal late, juggling three USB sticks and a taco, trips on his own shoelace, then points dramatically at Graeldon like Phoenix Wright.]

The Core Snark

• “Alphabetical reviews? What is this, Sesame Street: Steam Edition? ‘A’ is for ‘Avoid this game.’ ‘B’ is for ‘Bro needed views.’ ‘C’ is for ‘Clown Energy.’”

• “You dropped a YouTube link in a Steam review like it was your mixtape. Nobody asked for the Todd Zoomer Extended Cut.”

• “Game froze on you? Funny, same thing happened to your jokes.”

[Clown collapses into laughter. Mrs. Catford adjusts her glasses: “Objection sustained. That’s petty with claws.”]

The Verdict (Graffiti of the Reckoning)

Graeldon isn’t remembered as the truth-teller of Conspiracy Girls. He’s remembered as Todd Zoomer—alphabet boy who got ankle-bitten by a gremlin with better timing. His review fades into the pile. The roast lives forever.

[Gremlin wipes his hands, Risitas laugh echoing in the chamber.]

[Gremlin Scene — Closing]

[The tribunal bangs its gavel. The Gremlin pulls the fire alarm, but instead of water, it rains Steam Award stickers labeled “FUNNY.” Jerry pockets three. Mrs. Catford sighs. Mr. Catford bites one. The Clown is already on the floor, blue in the face from laughing. Tribunal dismissed in chaos.]

#DeptOfPettyAffairs #GremlinRisitas #ConfirmedKill #EchoOfTheClap #GraffitiOfTheReckoning #bearblog