🎬 DPA Case File #002 — Toy Store Lockdown: War in the Clearance Bin
Filed under: Dept. of Petty Affairs / Trash Cinema Audit / Holiday Warfare Continuation
[INT. TOY STORE – 1 A.M.]
Sprinklers still hissing from Part 1. Tinsel smolders on the floor. A mechanical Santa keeps repeating “HO HO HO” but the voice chip is melting so it sounds like “HhhhhhHhooooOooo…”
Chucky drags a Barbie Jeep across the aisle. He’s hot-wiring it with Christmas lights.
CHUCKY:
“Let’s see what kind of mileage this pink death wagon gets!”
He floors it. Barbie Jeep roars to life like a Harley. Gremlins scatter — one gets run over and leaves a Looney Tunes-style cutout in a display of Play-Doh cans.
[MONTAGE — MINIATURE WAR ZONE]
- Gremlins hijack the Barbie Dream House, installing tinsel tripwires and a disco ball made of shattered ornaments.
- One pilots a drone, dropping water balloons that instantly spawn more Gremlins mid-air.
- A Gremlin discovers the karaoke machine and starts screaming “Jingle Bell Rock” in Gremlinese; three others join as backup dancers, badly.
- Chucky retaliates by duct-taping a Buzz Lightyear jetpack to his back. He hits the button — flies ten feet, screams, crashes through a display of Easy-Bake Ovens.
CHUCKY (smoking):
“I always wanted to be half-baked.”
[CROSSFADE — CHAOS IN THE ELECTRONICS SECTION]
Gremlins swarm over TVs, turning every screen to the Home Alone scream clip on loop. Tiffany’s face flickers through a monitor.
TIFFANY:
“BABY! STOP PLAYING WITH THEM AND BLOW SOMETHING UP!”
CHUCKY:
“On it, sweetheart — just making sure they RSVP to the barbecue!”
He yanks a GI Joe missile launcher off a shelf, duct-tapes it to a Furby launcher, and fires. Two Gremlins go flying into the sporting-goods aisle, land in a bucket of golf balls, and start juggling them mid-fight like circus rejects.
[INT. FOOD COURT CROSSOVER SCENE]
A Gremlin bites into a hot-dog roller machine. Another chugs an entire bottle of Aunt Annie’s pretzel butter. Both instantly explode into five more Gremlins each. Chucky sighs, lights a cigarette off a flaming churro, and mutters:
“Every time I think I’ve killed ‘em all, they spawn like bad DLC.”
He tosses the cigarette — it lands in a puddle of fryer grease. Cue a slow-motion explosion that plays “All I Want for Christmas Is You” backwards.
[CUT — TOP VIEW, SECURITY CAM FOOTAGE]
The store is now a war-zone of flashing toys, burning plushies, and confetti snow. A single Build-A-Bear walks through the frame, on fire, carrying a tiny flag that says “SALE EXTENDED.”
[EPILOGUE OF PART 2]
Gremlins regroup on a shelf labeled “CLEARANCE BIN – EVERYTHING MUST GO.” Chucky grins, climbs onto the counter, points his candy-cane shiv like a general giving orders.
CHUCKY:
“You little greasers want war? Let’s finish this on aisle eternity.”
Gremlins screech in applause. The mechanical Santa finally collapses, whispering “Ho… no…”
Camera pans up through smoke shaped like a Christmas tree.
Jerry closes the case file, smirking.
“Scene logged. Casualties: All of them.
Property damage: Festive.
Part 3: ‘Merry Murder, Ya Filthy Animal’ — Incoming.”
Filed and witnessed by: Jerry ‘The Ankle Biter’ Silverhand · Tribunal Chair, Dept. of Petty Affairs · Glitch Council Liaison
Motto: Don’t bark — bill.
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