The Will to Resist

🧾 DPA DOCKET #298 — The Fortefyre Clause

Filed under the Department of Petty Affairs – Algorithmic Oversight Division

Cross-indexed with: The Catford Estate, The Mindseye Meltdown Archive, and The Echoes of the Clap.

Filed and stamped by:

Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand, Tribunal Chair, DPA Doctrine: Don’t bark—bill.

Motto: I don’t flex, I calculate.

Subject:

Fortefyre’s video — “10 Worst Open-World Games I’ve Played (To Date)” And the mandatory inclusion of Mindseye, for educational, comedic, and archaeological purposes.

Exhibit A — Mrs. Catford’s Official Commentary (Certified Snark)

(Entered into the record verbatim)

“Oh Fortefyre darling… if you haven’t played Mindseye yet, consider that a blessing straight from the ancestors.

Imagine paying $60 for a game that gives you the privilege of being an unpaid beta tester.

Mindseye is what happens when a studio promises you the moon and then hands you a blurry streetlamp with a shirtless NPC attached.

Deleting Family Guy roast threads didn’t save them — it just made the roast canon.

If you ever do a sequel to this video, do add Mindseye. It’s not an ‘open world,’ dear — it’s an open void with a receipt.”

— Mrs. Catford, Keeper of Standards & Tea of the Highest Quality

Filed as is. No edits. The purrs stay.

Exhibit B — Tribunal Assessment

1. Eligibility: Mindseye qualifies as an open-world failure by every measurable metric:

2. Emotional damage multiplier: +3 for deleted memes +5 for CEO meltdown +2 for shirtless grandpa mode +1 for players paying full price for early-access behavior

Total: 11/10 — qualifies for mandatory DPA intervention.

Resolution:

Fortefyre is hereby encouraged (politely, with snark) to consider Mindseye for any future “Worst Open-World Games” list, anthology, sequel, bonus episode, livestream rant, charity roast, or historical cautionary tale.

Failure to include it may result in Mrs. Catford tapping her teacup twice — a form of judgment known to collapse weaker souls.

DPA Closing Statement

Mindseye didn’t just fail as a game. It failed as a promise. And within the Dept. of Petty Affairs, we treat broken promises the same way we treat unfiled receipts — with consequences.

Let this docket stand as the official archival burn. May it guide Fortefyre, future viewers, and wandering gamers away from the $60 void.

Filed and stamped: — Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand · Tribunal Chair, DPA

Codename: The Raccoon with Receipts Ballpoint Warrior of the Algorithm Consumer Protection Gremlin (Unlicensed)