🎙️ DPA Mock Interview — *Interior: Miyu’s Apartment, 3:47 AM
Interviewer (Jerry): Good evening, gentlemen. I appreciate you taking time out of your — ahem — “dominion duties.” Let’s begin.
Jerry: Toki, you’re reported to have awakened the house tonight at 2:03 AM with what witnesses describe as “Death Meowtal” and a deep-voiced chant-like vocalization. Can you explain?
Toki (pauses, tail flicks): Yes. It was a ritual. Or… I assume it was. The lesser beings sleep while I conquer the void. Also the sound of the household security system resetting.
Jerry: Fair. You’ve also been seen standing in the dark corner of the room, staring “at something” for an extended period, before backing away. Any comment?
Toki: The void looked back. It challenged me. I accepted. But then I realized I forgot the cat treat. So I backed away, largely disappointed.
Jerry: Understood. Now Ketchup — you had a 12-hour hide-and-seek session. Reportedly you emerged only when the human owner began to weep. What was going through your head?
Ketchup (quietly): Fear. Comfort. “Please stop weeping.” I was in the couch. Not lost. Resting. And from a safe vantage point. Also… I might’ve knocked a toy under the couch intentionally.
Jerry: You are the “angel” to Toki’s “tyrant,” correct?
Ketchup: I prefer… “heavenly unwilling participant in his regime.” I pet you. Then you fear me. Also the tail-sword incident… not my finest hour.
Jerry: Toki, the tail-sword incident. Care to elaborate?
Toki (grinning): I declared war. My tail formed into shape. He attacked. I defended. We both lost. Property damage on the mug level.
Jerry: Ms. Miyu has stated that you two make the apartment feel like “a full-on warzone.” Her phrasing. Is that a fair assessment?
Ketchup: Yes.
Toki: Accurate. Admirable.
Jerry: One last question. If you had one message for the houseguest or the viewer of this video, what would it be?
Toki: Bow softly. Feed me promptly. Acknowledge your smallness.
Ketchup: Pet me when I allow it. And possibly make the room door siege-proof.
Jerry: Thank you, gentlemen. That will be all. Please do not destroy the living room in the meantime.