F'K U, HAUS! — "The Unpaid Suspension Sessions"
JERRY'S MARGINALIA RECORDS PRESENTS
- Genre: Industrial Punk / Comedy Metal
- Tempo: 160 BPM
- Mood: Professionally Unprofessional
A satirical musical production inspired by the wonderful experience of being employed, suspended, and apparently forgotten.
[INTRO — Corporate Announcement]
Thank you for your patience.
Your employment status is very important to us.
Please remain on hold...
OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
[VERSE 1]
Six days on, two days free,
Sold my soul to the company.
Clocked right in, I played the game,
Now HR won't say my name!
Two whole weeks, I'm sitting here,
My paycheck's running out of beer!
Am I fired? Am I employed?
Congratulations! I'M ANNOYED!
[PRE-CHORUS]
Call my phone! Send that mail!
Even pigeons wouldn't fail!
Tell me something! What's the deal?
IS THIS FUCKING JOB EVEN REAL?!
[CHORUS — EVERYBODY SCREAM!]
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
Take your policies and shove 'em!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
Where's my check?!
Where's my pay?!
WHERE'S THE FUCKING HR REP TODAY?!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
I'M STILL EMPLOYED BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW!
[VERSE 2]
Got suspended, number three!
Guess the office missed seeing me!
Investigation, what a show,
Nobody tells me where to go!
Director's busy, HR's gone,
Meanwhile, bills keep marching on.
Asked for answers, got thin air,
Guess my paycheck's thoughts and prayers!
[BRIDGE — Spoken, Increasingly Unhinged]
Good morning. I'd like to inquire about my employment status.
...
Hello?
...
Anybody?
...
JERRY! GET THE FUCKING GUITAR!
[FINAL CHORUS — DOUBLE SPEED]
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
TWO WEEKS HOME AND NOT ONE CALL!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
FUCK YOU, HAUS!
WATCH MY BANK ACCOUNT TAKE THE FALL!
Six days on!
Six days OFF?!
FUCK IT, I'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB!
[OUTRO — Cheerful Corporate Voice]
We appreciate your continued dedication.
Please remember that communication is one of our core values.
...
Your call has been disconnected.
FAAAAAAAAAAK!
[Jerry performs a twelve-second guitar solo before biting the amplifier.]
Mr. Jerry's Unsolicited Advice
If your employer puts you on hold long enough to compose an entire punk-metal album, perhaps communication isn't actually one of their core values.
Remember, ladies and gentlemen:
You cannot spell HUMAN RESOURCES without HUMAN. Unfortunately, some companies seem to have misplaced that particular department.
Jerry "The Ankle-Biter" Silverhand
- Senior Vice President of Unanswered Telephone Calls
THROW THE DEUCES. ✌️
Disclaimer: Haus Morgenrot is a fictional workplace used for satire. This song is a comedic expression of workplace frustration, not a factual account of any particular employer's investigation or internal decisions.