GlitchOS: Internal Protocol Registry — System Log Entry #0020
Title: Petty à la Carte Protocol
Classification: Emotional Execution / Targeted Psychological Impact
Author: Dept. of Petty Affairs — Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand
Supervision: Mr. & Mrs. Catford
Morale Logging: The Clown (honking after every confirmed kill)
Protocol Overview:
Petty à la Carte is the art of reflecting someone’s unprovoked pettiness back to them — but plated, seasoned, and elevated into a full-course experience. It transforms a shove into a staged performance where they are the guest of honor and the roast is literal.
Execution Sequence — “The Full-Course Petty Dining Experience”
- Amuse-Bouche – The Mirror Bite
A small, sharp taste of their own flavor, served chilled. Enough to get their attention, not enough to give away the main dish.
- Appetizer – The SaltBae Sampler
Light, calculated sprinklings of style — irony, wit, subtle burns — to make them lean in, curious and unprepared.
- Main Course – Return to Sender
Their original pettiness, deconstructed and rebuilt into a weaponized presentation.
This is the sniper shot: deliberate, precise, and undeniable.
- Side Dish – The Soul Infusion
Your personal twist — humor, cultural sting, or unique edge that makes the strike unmistakably yours.
- Dessert – The Aftertaste
A single, cutting line designed to replay in their head hours later.
Sweet enough to pass as clever, sharp enough to scar.
- Beverage Pairing – The Clown’s Laughter
Served throughout.
Light, unhinged, and impossible to forget.
Impact Projection:
Shock factor: 40% (Target freezes)
Entertainment factor: 35% (Observers laugh)
Defensiveness: 15% (Target scrambles)
Inspiration: 10% (Observers adopt the method)
Ideal Use Cases:
Responding to passive-aggressive comments.
Returning corporate microaggressions with flair.
Publicly neutralizing someone’s “polite insult” without looking pressed.