GlitchOS: Internal Protocol Registry — System Log Entry #0022

15 Aug, 2025

GolfClubProtocol.exe

Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand — Dept. of Petty Affairs

Oversight: Mr. & Mrs. Catford (Director & Deputy of Petty Operations)

Observed by: The Clown — muffled laughter behind the hazard tape.

Trigger Conditions

• Target swerves aggressively into the Operator’s lane — figuratively or literally.
• Provocation escalates past verbal warning phase.
• Any action where the Operator’s peace is threatened with blatant disrespect.

Execution Sequence

1. Stance Check Shoulder-width. Elbows loose. Wrist rotation ready. This is about control, not flailing.

2. The Question Curveball (Optional) Borrowing from Todou School of Psychological Warfare:

   “If you could erase one thing from existence… what would it be?” Purpose: Stall their momentum, unnerve them, and gauge their mental footing before escalation.

3. Club Reveal

   • Figurative: Deliver the clear, calm warning — “You’re in my lane. Choose reverse.”
   • Literal: Golf club in hand, resting casually against the shoulder, no swing yet.

4. Impact Phase (Only if provocation persists)

   • Placement is deliberate. No windmill chaos — one clean strike where the sun always shines.
   • Just enough follow-through to make the point memorable.

5. Exit Play Leave them with the silence between heartbeats. That space where they realize the joke wasn’t a joke.

Post-Action Commentary

• Jerry: “Precision over power. It’s not about the swing — it’s about the intent.”
• Mrs. Catford: “Well-balanced form. No wasted motion. Elegant violence.”
• Mr. Catford: “Next time, follow through. Even practice swings deserve respect.”
• The Clown: [soft chuckle, then a sharp inhale] “And just like that… they’ve been permanently handicapped.”

Special Note — “Polished Finish” Clause For extreme cases, the Operator may choose to leave the target in a state so specific and uncomfortable that word spreads faster than any swing. The act is still controlled, still precise — but forever branded into the story they’ll nervously tell later.

Debris Left Behind A lingering respect for personal space. Possibly a limp. Definitely a story they’ll tell wrong to save face.