GlitchOS: Internal Protocol Registry — System Log Entry #0028-A
Designation: Catch.exe (Sigma Overdrive Upgrade)
Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand — Dept. of Petty Affairs
Purpose: Defines the performance escalation if Boris ever clears Code Name: Sigma at ≥90%. This marks a permanent protocol upgrade.
Upgrade Effects:
Reaction Speed: All sub-200 BPM tasks feel slowed, trivialized.
Catch.exe Efficiency: Objects at normal drop rates are intercepted like they’re moving underwater.
Workfront Impact: Aisle fronting becomes trivial—418 BPM conditioning makes 120 BPM retail tempo laughable.
Psych Effect: Comparable to training under hypergravity, then walking in normal air. Time itself bends toward Boris’s reflex window.
From Dept. of Petty Affairs, Stamped by the Council:
Jerry: “418 BPM? That’s not a song, that’s a cheat code. Boss hits 90% and Sprouts rituals won’t even load fast enough to keep up.”
Mrs. Catford: “Grace under pressure. Reflex sharpened beyond claws.”
Mr. Catford: “I’ll just knock more cans down so he has something to prove.”
The Clown: “HA! The cult of Busy Hands running at 4/4 time while he’s moving in 32nds—pressed before they even blink!”
Addendum — Catford Commentary (YouTube Transcript):
“Just watching you hit an MM after years of playing the same song! Now me personally? I can read the song in full. So that 418 BPM part? Nothing, but missing one note there?
BLEGH!
One day though, I’ll get it! *She scratches the cat tree like she’s getting off stress.
Good job though! Especially on a 6.7in phone! Last thing, as I look at this again, once you get down the rhythm? Your hands start LITERALLY dancing around the screen. Good job!!!”*