Gremlin Resitas — Laugh the Pain Away
[Gremlin pulls out a single can from a 6-pack of beer. Pops it open and tells a story while laughing.]
“You see, you brought drama to my aisle — I shelved it next to the instant noodles.”
“Congrats, you found the noise button. I unplugged it mid-way in our conversation and kept working.”
“They call it ‘fronting.’ I call it ‘proof ya’ll had nothing better to do.’”
“Dishonest trash pizza? Cute. I prefer my dinner not embalmed.”
“You tried to test me, so I stamped your receipt ‘too slow’ and tossed it in lost & found.”
“The Store Manager’s been giving me stars, but you brought me a toothpick and asked for a trophy. Hard pass.”
“Keep flapping and I’ll keep stacking these S ranks like I’m going for a world record.”
“If your ego had a barcode it’d be expired. Please do not return to sender.”
[Gremlin leans on the pallet jack, watches Dill Weed 2.0 audition for manager of the year.]
Dill Weed: “Let’s condition our areas!”
[Gremlin lights a phantom cigar, smiles slow.]
Gremlin: “You mean ‘front the store’?”
[Dill Weed blinks.]
Gremlin: “Cool. I’ll condition my aisles to ‘closed and flawless.’ You go practice saying it again in the mirror.”
(Cue: The Clown snorts popcorn-laugh. The Catfords file his ego under do not return.)
[Gremlin finishes his beer, laughs, and tosses the can in the trash.]
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