Gremlin Risitas #037 — Premium Catnip
[Gremlin hunched on a crate, claw rolling a lighter. The laugh’s already building in his throat.]
- Subject: Randy Pitchford, Borderlands 4 launch
- Offending Line: “Borderlands is a premium game for premium gamers.”
🎥 Mighty Keef’s skit: Randy Pitchford, when ANYONE criticizes Borderlands 4
Council Cuts:
Mrs. Catford: “Ah—straight Dark Knight Joker energy. Randy’s speedrunning the Uninstalled any% world record. 🐾
Mr. Catford: (knocks a stack of shift codes off the counter.)
Jerry: “Premium catnip, Boss. They lap it up until the patch cycle kicks their teeth in.”
The Clown: “HA! His next patch notes will be an obituary!”
Mockery Clip:
“Upgrade, peasants.” — Man currently uninstalling himself at shareholder any%
- Verdict: Premium excuse. Bargain-bin delivery.
- Sentence: 15 minutes of shader compilation… for his PR team.
[Gremlin leans back, lights the smoke. The laugh spills out, sharp and wheezy, echoing down the alley. He goes back to fiddling with the lighter like nothing happened.]
#GremlinRisitas #037 #WhoSaidThatNonsense #Borderlands4 #DeptOfPettyAffairs #PremiumCatnip #ClownApproved