Gremlin Risitas Entry #005 — Santos Isn’t a Villain, He’s My Contractor
(Filed under Echoes of the Clap)
[Gremlin tips the wine glass, chuckling before the first line]
Scene: I check out Pizza Kidd. The synopsis hypes it as:
“A high-impact 2D action beat ’em up set in a gritty sci-fi fantasy world. Battle grotesque monsters, uncover ancient secrets, and unleash martial arts fury in this pixel art brawler inspired by 90's anime, noir comics, and arcade classics like Street Fighter II, Streets of Rage, and Ninja Warriors.”
Okay, cool. But then you see the trailer, and it feels like Kung Fury… except it forgot the parody part.
Pizza Girl looks like she stepped out of a lost 90s OVA. And the villain?
Santos.
Really?
That’s not a world-ending bad guy name.
That’s the contractor who bails halfway through redoing your kitchen backsplash.
Cue the Family Guy cutaway:
Peter: “Yeah Lois, Santos is supposed to be scary, but all I see is a guy who left my sink leaking.”
Cuts back to Santos in a hardhat, standing in Peter’s gutted kitchen with zombie scarecrow ninjas holding drills.
Santos: “We’ll conquer humanity first, then maybe I’ll fix your faucet.”
Peter: “Yeah Lois, real scary guy. I’m shaking in my sauce.”
And the funniest part? They claim influences from Street Fighter II, Streets of Rage, Ninja Warriors. Yet somehow it plays more like Kung Fury’s long-lost cousin who got serious about the VHS.
Meanwhile, my pitch for a proper send-up:
- Make Marian the final boss.
- Her #2? Skullmageddon (because Dio energy never dies).
- Six other Double Dragon bosses as backup muscle.
- Plot twist: Shadow Master kidnaps her… but she mudstomps him and his goons so hard that now he’s hiring beat-for-hire cops just to stop her diva rampage.
That’s not parody. That’s prophecy.
So yeah — Pizza Kidd is flashy in all the right places, but it needs to decide: is it fury, or is it parody? Because right now it’s a VHS tape rewound one too many times.
🤣🤣🤣
Graffiti of the Reckoning:
- “Fear isn’t lost to parody. It’s lost to laughter.”
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