Gremlin Risitas Entry #016 — The Confession: Texas Any% Speedrun
🎭 Act I — The Setup
John Grisham named it The Confession. But honestly? The real title should’ve been:
“Oops, We Did It Again: The Justice Remix.”
Texas didn’t just fumble—they queued up every greatest hit of wrongful conviction like it was a playlist:
- Black man? ✔️
- White victim? ✔️
- Evidence weaker than gas station Wi-Fi? ✔️
- Prosecutor chasing votes, not truth? ✔️
This wasn’t a trial. This was a practice run for how fast you can ruin a life.
🎭 Act II — The Run
Donte Drumm enters the category by committing the crime of existing. Split timer starts.
- Arrested with no real evidence.
- Convicted with bias so thick it needed subtitles.
- Death row set on turbo mode.
Enter Travis Boyette (actual killer) like:
“Hey, it was me. I confess.”
Texas:
“Cool story, bro. But the hype machine is already rolling. We got a crowd, a needle, and a governor up for re-election. So… could you confess slower?”
🎭 Act III — The Punchline
Final splits of the run:
- Conviction Split: WR (World Record).
- Appeals Split: RNG skip, all denied in one go.
- Confession Split: Soft-locked in red tape.
- Execution Split: Frame-perfect. Needle goes in. GG.
🏆 Final Time: Any% Innocence Glitchless — WR in State-Sanctioned Stupidity.
🎭 Act IV — The Graffiti
On the courthouse wall, in spray paint dripping like blood:
“We speedran a man’s life any%.” — Texas, holding the controller upside down, still calling it justice.
And in the distance, the Gremlin’s laugh echoes, teeth bared: 🐀🍷 “Congrats, Texas—you just became a Twitch meme with a body count.”
📜 Filed under:
- Gremlin Risitas #016
Graffiti of the Reckoning #007, The Courthouse Wall tag:
- “We speedran a man’s life any%.”
- — Texas, controller unplugged, still calling it justice.
#gremlinrisitas #graffitiofthereckoning #bookofboris #theconfession #texasanypercent #justicefail #deathrowmockery