Gremlin Risitas Entry #024 — Hotline Squeak Heard ‘Round the World
[Gremlin sits down, wheezing in laughter, cigarette halfway gone]
“KEKW—Nestlé’s top dog thought he could stonewall like it’s 1989. Deny, deny, deny… until the rat squeaked on the company hotline and—poof!—no severance, no handshake, just a one-way trip out the revolving door. 😂
Corporate LinkedIn ate it up with their ‘ethics and governance’ sermons, clapping like trained seals. Meanwhile, the real comedy? Boss wouldn’t even flinch if it was him in that chair. He’d turn this whole mess into the
Triple Tap Doctrine:
Tap One — The Gremlin Check. Call out the board’s fake morality to their faces: ‘Don’t pretend this is about ethics, it’s about leverage.’ Boom. Conscience shattered.
Tap Two — Rat Mafia Noise. Plant your own squeaks. By the time anyone looks your way, the spotlight’s already frying someone else. Control broken.
Tap Three — The Glitch Exit. Let ‘em try to erase you. Then walk out carrying the ledger, the receipts, and the playbook. Future obliterated.
Three taps. Conscience, control, future. Clean sweep. By the time the board knows what hit them, the boss is already two moves ahead—laughing on the way out.
[Gremlin lights another smoke, cackling louder than the crowd]
😂😂😂
End story.
📎 Sources:
Reuters – Nestlé abruptly removes CEO Freixe over undisclosed relationship (Sept 1, 2025)
FT – Denials and defiance: Nestlé chief's exit over relationship prompts investor unrest
#GremlinRisitas #TripleTapDoctrine #RatMafia #BookOfBoris #WillToResist #CorporateTheater #Nestle