Gremlin Risitas Entry — “The Roe Who Wanted Uppy”
Scene setup: The duty finder spits you into a dungeon lobby that looks like a cutscene waiting to regret itself.
Frontline: one Roegadyn female — all granite shoulders and cathedral-grade posture. Groundline: one Lalafell healer — small enough to qualify as carry-on luggage.
The Roe looks down. The Lala looks up. Gravity itself starts sweating.
The moment: The Roe leans in, voice like thunder trying to flirt politely.
“Pardon me… can you please absolutely destroy me?”
The silence that follows could have its own patch notes. Somewhere inside the Lala’s skull, the emergency broadcast system activates:
Don’t say it. Don’t do it. You’ll make it weird. For the love of cheese, hold the line—
…and then click. The filter melts.
Mrs. Catford’s field notes (post-impact):
“Oh Twelve preserve me—another Roegadyn built like a brick cathedral and twice as clueless.”
“Well congratulations, love. You’ve achieved enlightenment through embarrassment. Next time, /pray before /beg, yeah? I’m pocket-sized, not patient.”
The Roe blinks. The dungeon chat disconnects. Somewhere, a modem screams. Alt + F4 achieved. Mission accomplished.
Gremlin Analysis: When a giant asks a pocket-sized creature for destruction, physics itself files for retirement. The Lala doesn’t need to swing; the embarrassment does all the damage.
The lesson?
Never ask the floor to humble you. It’s already been doing that since you logged in.
Filed for Departmental amusement by Jerry “the Ankle Biter” Silverhand, Tribunal Chair.
Co-signed by Mrs. Catford, who now carries a miniature “No Uppies” sign in her spellbook.
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