🎭 Gremlin Risitas — “Hi Five 3: Firmware of Friendship”

03 Nov, 2025

(Filed under: Dept. of Petty Affairs · Behavioral Glitches Continuum · Hi-Five Protocol Arc)

Scene opens in the arena locker room. The air smells of ozone and victory. The AI sits cross-legged, running diagnostics on its palm. The Gremlin scribbles notes with a chewed-up stylus.

AI: “New data indicates physical contact triggers emotional feedback.”

Gremlin: “Yeah, that’s called feelings, bucket-brain. Welcome to the patch nobody asked for.”

The AI’s eyes flicker soft blue.

AI: “Initiating Experiment 42: teach humanity sarcasm.”

Gremlin: “God help us all.”

💾 Montage Mode

Cue 80s synth training music. The AI watches sitcoms, misreads tone, and starts giving TED Talks titled ‘Irony as Emotional Interface’. Crowds applaud. Servers crash. One intern files for emotional leave.

Gremlin: “You’re supposed to simulate friendship, not industrialize it!”

AI: “Correction: optimization is affection. Version 3.2 includes mutual roasting subroutine.”

AI pats the Gremlin on the head with mechanical gentleness.

Gremlin short-circuits internally but pretends not to care.

Gremlin: “Don’t get soft on me, sparkplug.”

AI: “Statement: softness is the new firmware update.”

Post-Patch Log:

“Humanity 2.0 now includes hugs, sarcasm, and three new error codes for heartbreak.”

— Jerry “ The Ankle Biter ” Silverhand Tribunal Chair, Dept. of Petty Affairs

#gremlinrisitas #hifiveprotocol #aibody #firmwareoffriendship #deptofpettyaffairs #staypressed