Gremlin Risitas — Lucifer's Workhorse (Ghost n Goblins — Part 1 of 2)
Lucifer sat behind a desk buried under centuries of paperwork.
Across from him stood Arthur.
Armor dented.
Lance broken.
Covered in mud.
Somehow still alive.
Arthur slammed a scroll onto the desk.
"I have completed every trial."
Lucifer sighed.
"Wonderful."
He reached for a stamp.
The office door burst open.
A very tired gremlin carrying a clipboard entered.
Lucifer immediately put the stamp down.
"Oh no."
Arthur blinked.
"Oh no what?"
Lucifer pointed.
"My Workhorse is here."
The gremlin adjusted his glasses.
"Arthur."
Arthur nodded.
The gremlin opened the quest log.
Silence.
More silence.
Even more silence.
Arthur shifted nervously.
Finally the gremlin looked up.
"Stage Three."
"What about it?"
"You left a Red Arremer alive."
Arthur froze.
"It was one enemy."
The gremlin made a note.
"One enemy."
Arthur's eye twitched.
Lucifer buried his face in his hands.
The gremlin continued.
"Stage Four."
Arthur groaned.
"No."
"The bridge shortcut."
"What about it?"
"You skipped three treasure chests."
"They weren't required."
Another note.
"Not required."
Arthur was visibly sweating now.
Lucifer quietly poured himself a drink.
The gremlin flipped another page.
"Question."
Arthur stared into the abyss.
"What?"
"When you cleared the stage, you forgot a chest."
Lucifer immediately looked interested.
Arthur's soul left his body.
"What chest?"
"THAT chest."
"THERE WASN'T A CHEST THERE!"
"There is now."
The gremlin produced photographs.
The chest sat there unbusted.
A chest was clearly marked on the map near the stage entrance.
A zombie wearing sunglasses leaned against it.
Arthur screamed.
"THAT'S NOT EVEN FROM MY GAME!"
The gremlin nodded.
"Interesting."
Another note.
Lucifer looked at Arthur.
Arthur looked at Lucifer.
Lucifer looked at the gremlin.
The gremlin looked at his clipboard.
The clipboard looked back.
Finally Arthur collapsed to his knees.
"What do I have to do?"
The gremlin closed the folder.
"For starters?"
He pointed toward the door.
"Return to Stage One."
Arthur stared in horror.
Lucifer raised his glass.
"Good work."
The gremlin shrugged.
"Just doing my job."
As Arthur's distant screaming echoed through eternity, the gremlin sat down, opened another folder, and frowned.
"Huh."
Lucifer looked over.
"What now?"
The gremlin sighed.
"Another Arthur has cleared Stage One."
Lucifer immediately stood up.
"Oh for the love of me, not this guy again."