🦝 Gremlin Risitas — Meme Cut (itch.io edition)
HAHAHAHA— You thought the system was slow.
No. The system is risk-optimized.
If they move fast and fuck up → someone gets blamed. If they move slow and fuck nothing → nobody cares.
So your paperwork isn’t “late.” It’s safe.
Safe in the queue. Safe from accountability. Safe from urgency.
Your problem is thinking effort triggers motion.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Welcome to professional waiting.
— Gremlin Risitas
🕹️ Gremlin Risitas — itch.io Page
“The Queue™: Working As Intended”
Status: Released Genre: Bureaucratic Horror / Idle Game Platform: Real Life Price: Your Time + Sanity
📜 Description
The Queue™ is a slow-burn, immersive simulation where you play John Doe / Jane Doe, a fully qualified candidate trapped inside a modern administrative system.
Complete all objectives flawlessly… and still wait forever.
🎮 Features
✔️ Paperwork Submission Simulator Submit forms instantly. Watch nothing happen.
✔️ Holiday DLC (Unskippable) Adds Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. All progress pauses automatically.
✔️ Diffused Accountability Engine™ Every NPC did their part. No NPC owns the outcome.
✔️ Realistic Silence Mechanics No progress bars. No updates. No feedback.
✔️ Advice From Bystanders™ NPCs suggest restarting the game instead of finishing the current run.
🧩 Gameplay Loop
- Submit all requirements correctly
- Enter The Queue™
- Wait
- Ask for update
- Receive “Still pending”
- Wait harder
Repeat until calendar changes.
🛠️ Patch Notes
v1.0 — Initial Release
- Introduced infinite waiting mechanic
- Removed urgency from all NPCs
- Added plausible deniability
v1.1 — Holiday Stability Update
- Reduced staffing
- Disabled approvals
- Added “We’ll circle back” dialogue loop
v1.2 — Professionalism Patch
- Rebranded delay as “process”
- Classified user frustration as non-actionable
⚠️ Known Issues
- Players report loss of sanity during idle phase
- No way to speed up progression
- Restarting the game resets all progress
These are working as intended.
⭐ Reviews
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
“Painfully realistic.”
⭐
“I did everything right and nothing happened.”
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
“Best waiting simulator on the market.”
🦝 Developer Notes
The Queue™ is not broken. The Queue™ is not bugged. The Queue™ is safe.
If you are frustrated, that means the game is functioning properly.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
— The Gremlin