The Will to Resist

Gremlin Risitas — My Wisdom Tooth Cost a Used PS5 Pro™

Or: GameStop, My Dentist, and the $1,300 Fuck You Special

A Gremlin Risitas Production — Department of Petty Affairs

By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand

[The Gremlin watches Mighty Keef's latest GameStop sketch. A used PS5 Pro rings up at $1,300.]

GREMLIN: "HAHAHAHA! WHO THE FUCK PAYS $1,300 FOR THAT?!"

[Suddenly remembers July 23, 2026.]

...

...

GREMLIN: "Oh."

JUAJUAJUAJUAJUA!

BROTHER.

I PAID ROUGHLY $1,300 TO HAVE A FUCKING TOOTH REMOVED.

NOT A PLAYSTATION.

NOT A GAMING PC.

NOT A NEW GRAPHICS CARD.

A FUCKING TOOTH.

And here's Mighty Keef walking into GameStop asking for a USED PS5 Pro.

GAMESTOP: "That'll be $1,300."

CUSTOMER: "I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND A THOUSAND!"

GAMESTOP: "You didn't. You spent thirteen hundred."

GREMLIN: "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S MY DENTIST!"

[El Risitas begins wheezing uncontrollably.]

JUAJUAJUAJUAJUA!

At least the PlayStation comes with a controller.

My tooth came with gauze, pain, and instructions not to drink through a fucking straw.

And the best part?

The NEW PS5 Pro in Keef's sketch is $899.

THE USED ONE IS $1,300.

GREMLIN: "THEN GIVE ME THE NEW ONE!"

GAMESTOP: "We're sold out."

GREMLIN: "THEN GIVE ME MY FUCKING TOOTH BACK!"

[Gerald the Cactus quietly checks the return policy.]

NO REFUNDS.

NO EXCHANGES.

TOOTH SOLD SEPARATELY.

And everybody's scrambling to buy a PS5 Pro for GTA 6.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here thinking about how my mouth apparently purchased an entire gaming console without asking permission.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:

THE $1,300 BITE OF '26™

[The Gremlin opens his wallet. A moth flies out, sees the economy, and immediately flies back in.]

You know what?

If I ever get $50,000, I'm still shopping at Goodwill.

I'm still buying cheap clothes.

I'm still watching my money.

Because apparently one fucking tooth can cost as much as a scalped gaming console.

GREMLIN: "I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO PLAY GTA 6 ON THE DAMN THING!"

[Mighty Keef's fictional GameStop employee offers a $4.37 trade-in.]

JUAJUAJUAJUAJUA!

[The Gremlin falls out of his chair. Gerald the Cactus submits a dental insurance claim for emotional damages.]

REVIVE. RESIST. REPEAT.

Video: Mighty Keef — TRYING TO BUY A PS5 PRO FROM GAMESTOP IN 2026

The GameStop prices and dialogue referenced here come from Mighty Keef's comedy sketch, not verified retail pricing.

By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand

https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/

#gremlinrisitas #MightyKeef #PS5Pro #GameStop #Gaming #DentalBills #DepartmentOfPettyAffairs