Gremlin Risitas — Part II: The Clam Encounter
[Scene opens inside The Drunken Clam. Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland are at their usual booth. Next to Peter is the Gremlin, chewing on a coaster like it’s beef jerky.]
Quagmire: “So, uh, Peter, what’s with the… little guy?”
Peter: “Heh-heh, Lois said I needed better friends, so I brought him. Meet the Gremlin. He stopped a loan shark today by barking into a phone. That’s freakin’ sweet.”
[Gremlin laughs like El Risitas, then immediately sticks a straw in the salt shaker and drinks it like a Capri Sun.]
Joe: “Peter, you can’t just… bring a raccoon-man into a bar.”
Cleveland: “Mm, I dunno, Joe. He kinda fits in better than Quagmire.”
Quagmire: “Oh, come on!”
[Quagmire leans in to flirt with the waitress. Gremlin interrupts by loudly repeating everything Quagmire says, but dumber.]
Quagmire: “Hey there, doll, how about a drink after this?”
Gremlin: “Hey there, doll, how about a drink after this?” (crosses eyes, knocks over a peanut bowl)
[Everyone laughs. Quagmire fumes.]
Quagmire: “Okay, very funny, Peter. What else can your little circus pet do?”
[Gremlin pulls out Peter’s phone, dials Public Loan Search, then immediately screams “NO REFUNDS!” into the receiver and hangs up.]
Peter: slapping his knee “HAHAHA! Oh man, Lois was right. He’s like me… but turbo.”
[Gremlin and Peter collapse in laughter, Risitas-style. Camera zooms on Quagmire, red-faced and defeated, muttering “giggity” under his breath like a broken toy.]
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