🎭 Gremlin Risitas Protocol v2.0 — “EarthBounded and Down”

31 Oct, 2025

A Three-Part Mini-Saga of Stupidity, Sentiment, and Psychic Taxes

📺 Part 1 — Onett After Dark

Scene: static crackles. Two gremlins sit on a rooftop with juice boxes.

Gremlin #1: “You ever wonder why every house in Onett has the same couch?”

Gremlin #2: “’Cause they ordered from the same cursed IKEA dimension, boing.”

Gremlin #1: “Bro, Ness’s mom cooked like, one steak the entire game. ONE. Steak. Man’s saving the planet on pure red meat and optimism.”

Gremlin #2: nods sagely “Protein-based plot armor.”

They clink juice boxes. Thunder rolls. Pokey screams somewhere off-screen about allowance money.

💾 Part 2 — The Moonside Misadventures

Broadcast live from the fluorescent nightmare where yes means no and no means ‘you owe me rent’.

Gremlin #1: “Welcome to Moonside! Population: one bartender, two existential crises, and me!”

Gremlin #2: “Did we just pay cover to walk into a screensaver?”

Gremlin #1: “Yup. And this statue keeps whispering my FICO score.”

Gremlin #2: “Oh no, it knows your student loans. Pray, quickly!”

Gremlin #1: chants “Maria-full-of-grace-and-extended-warranty-save-me-from-APR!”

They attempt to fight the Mani Mani statue. It wins by convincing them to invest in NFTs of Paula’s frying pan.

🎬 Part 3 — Smiles, Tears, and Tax Forms

Final scene: the credits roll. The gremlins are on a couch, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and used tissues.

Gremlin #1: “Why am I crying over 16-bit pixels again?”

Gremlin #2: “Because love, bro. And also because the OST slaps.”

Gremlin #1: “We just watched a cosmic being dissolve into feelings, and I can’t even dissolve my car loan.”

Gremlin #2: “That’s deep. Pass the controller.”

Gremlin #1: “We beat the game.”

Gremlin #2: “Then let’s start Mother 3. Maybe this time I won’t emotionally combust by Chapter 4.”

They both stare at the screen. The TV flickers to static. In the static, faintly, a voice:

“I… love you…”

Gremlin #1: “Aw heck. It’s happening again.”

Gremlin #2: grabs tissue “Smiles and Tears 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Patch Notes v2.0.1:

• Added existential dread to snack menu.
• Increased laughter output by 20 %.
• Reduced Pokey’s empathy stat to 0.
• Mr. Saturn now provides free therapy coupons.
• Paula DLC incoming: includes prayer animation and coffee-themed lofi beats.

Filed under: Dept. of Petty Affairs – Gremlin Broadcast Division

Status: TV unplugged, static humming, raccoon dancing in front of the screen with a banana peel crown.

#SmilesAndTears #GremlinRisitas #MotherParallel #StaticContinues