🎭 Gremlin Risitas Protocol v2.5 — “The Bluetooth Bond Clause”
Filed under Dept. of Petty Affairs // E-Smut Edition // Harmless Tech Flirtation Simulation
Scene: dim server room. LED lights blink like tiny heartbeats. Two gremlins crouch behind a rack of routers, holding coffee and bad intentions.
Gremlin #1: Hey baby… let me plug in my USB-C to your USB-C.
Gremlin #2: laughs through static
"Only if your cord is certified for fast charging."
Gremlin #1: Seven feet of pure bandwidth, sweetheart.
Gremlin #2: Mmm. You come with a Bluetooth dongle too?
Gremlin #1: Of course. We can sync wirelessly and still pretend it’s secure.
- The routers blink jealously. A fan spins up like a heartbeat.
Gremlin #2: You promised no malware this time.
Gremlin #1: No viruses — just vibes. AES-encrypted affection.
Gremlin #2: Then come closer. Let’s test signal strength.
They both laugh as the Wi-Fi drops to one bar and the room fills with the smell of ozone and bad decisions.
Patch Note v2.5.1
- Added 7-foot cord support
- Improved pairing mode for mutual consent
- Reduced latency in flirty protocols
- Fixed bug where dongles kept getting recognized as keyboards
Filed and stamped by Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand (DPA)
Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill.
Motto: I don’t flex, I calculate.