Gremlin Risitas — “The Brugada Parking Lot Incident”
So apparently my heart decided to file a noise complaint.
Not a murder. Not a felony. Just a “sir, can you keep it down in there?”
Turns out Bud Light, Budweiser, and Brisk Tea were having a heated debate outside my chest like:
- Bud Light: “Bro I barely count.”
- Budweiser: “I’ve been doing this since WWII.”
- Brisk Tea: “I’M NOT EVEN CARBONATED.”
Meanwhile my heart’s like:
“I don’t care who started it — somebody hydrate or I’m calling security.”
Cue ambulance lights. Cue doctors squinting at a screen like it owes them money.
Doctor #1:
“Hmm. Interesting pattern.”
Me:
“Ah yes. The rare Pokémon.”
Doctor #2:
“This could be Brugada.”
Me:
“Is that a charge or a vibe?”
Doctor #3 (leaning in):
“More like… a parking-lot disturbance.”
No handcuffs. No sirens. No free bracelets.
Just:
- water
- electrolytes
- and a firm “don’t let the beverages drive again.”
In the end, everybody went home safely. Bud Light slept it off. Budweiser apologized. Brisk Tea pretended he wasn’t involved.
And my heart? Filed the report. Clocked out. Went back to doing its job like nothing happened.
Case status: ✔ No DUI ✔ No cuffs ✔ No villain arc unlocked
Just another gremlin incident resolved by hydration and vibes.
😌 Blink. Breathe. Win.