🦝 Gremlin Risitas — “The Lotion on Water (Unhinged Cut)”
You know, every time I work with X, it’s like I’m trying to put lotion on water.
Like— really trying.
I’m over here rubbing my hands together like
“yeah buddy, we’re gonna be smooth today,”
and the water’s just sitting there like
🙂 no
I squirt more lotion. The water laughs. Not out loud — water doesn’t need to. It just slides away smugly.
For half a second I’m like:
“WAIT—did it—?”
Nope. False positive. Refraction error. Hope.exe has crashed.
Now my hands are greasy, the water is unchanged, and somehow I’m the idiot in the room.
So I try technique. Different angle. Gentler motion. Corporate-approved circular rub.
Water response:
whoop 💧
Gone. Unbothered. Still dry. Still empty behind the eyes.
At this point I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.
This isn’t incompetence. This is a hostile material refusing enrichment.
You cannot moisturize something whose entire personality is
“nothing sticks to me and I will not explain why.”
So yeah. I stop rubbing. I stop caring. I wipe my hands on my pants like a raccoon who has learned a lesson the hard way.
Not everything is broken. Some things are just water pretending to be a surface.
🖍️ Gremlin scribble in the margin:
“Stop trying to fix liquids.”
🦝