Gremlin Risitas — The Party Has Been Defeated
[Gremlin boots up Dragon Quest, smug as ever. “Three-party squad? Easy clap. Byuu’s the Hero, Clay’s the Mage, Robin’s the Cleric. What could go wrong?”]
First random battle? Not slimes. Not baboons.
Nah — it’s a Green Dragon, a Blizzard, and a Ghost Rat.
- Green Dragon breathes fire → Byuu becomes BBQ.
- Blizzard casts ice storm → Clay freezes before he even gets a turn.
- Ghost Rat waddles up and nibbles Robin on the ankle → Cleric faceplants.
Screen flashes red.
“The Hero’s Party Has Been Defeated.”
[Cut to throne room.]
King Andrew Dice Clay leans back on the throne, cigar in one hand, dirty grin on his face:
“Hickory dickory dock—
Ya party’s smoked like a rock!
The Hero’s toast, the Mage’s a ghost,
And the Cleric? He’s flat on his cock!”
[Gremlin falls off the chair, laughing like El Risitas, wheezing so hard the controller disconnects.]
#gremlinrisitas #thepartyhasbeendefeated #dragonquestparody #bearblog #graffitiofthereckoning
- If you’re clutching pearls, you’re in the wrong tavern.