The Will to Resist

Gremlin Risitas v10.0 — The "Side Quest Rejection Protocol" (Day 1 of 6)

Haus Morgenrot · Bullshit R Us Regional Headquarters · Return From DLC Edition

Opening Scene

Two Days Off DLC expires.

Germlin awakens.

Immediately regrets everything.

💀

Morning loadout equipped:

Researchers confirm the ritual remains intact.

The Great Snack Migration

10:00 AM.

Clients released for free time.

Entire population immediately migrates toward the vending machines like salmon returning upstream.

🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈

10:20 approaches.

Herr Dill Weed appears.

Directive issued:

"Stop them."

Germlin:

"Roger."

Problem:

Some residents require approximately three business days to select a bag of chips.

💀

Herr Dill Weed stomps over.

"Put your foot down!"

"Stop letting these people walk all over you!"

Internal Germlin:

"Brother, I'm literally doing the thing."

External Germlin:

"Thank you, sir. Hope you have a great day."

💀

Conversation immediately dies.

Herr Dill Weed spends the remainder of the morning staring at Germlin.

Germlin stares back.

Ancient diplomacy achieved.

Side Quest Rejection Arc

10:30 AM.

Resident:

"Can you get us some ice?"

Germlin:

"No."

💀

Another resident hands Germlin a mop.

Resident:

"Get to work."

Germlin:

"No."

💀

Another resident attempts to interrupt a break.

Germlin:

"Also no."

💀

Researchers confirm boundaries remain operational.

Administrative Excellence Nobody Notices

Room inspections completed.

Paperwork completed.

Nothing explodes.

Achievement unlocked:

Administrative Competence

Which, unfortunately, awards no experience points.

💀

Employee Lounge Ecosystem

15:00.

Observed wildlife:

Veteran Tech:

"I give back the same attitude I get."

Germlin:

"Some can take it.

Some can't."

💀

Coworker:

"What'd you buy?"

Germlin:

"Same old same old."

Explanation DLC unlocked later.

Headcount Time Distortion

Expected headcount:

16:20

Actual completion:

Because Haus Morgenrot.

💀

Headcount drags.

Dinner drags.

Time drags.

Beans and rice deployed.

Civilization survives.

Barely.

The Counselor Paradox

Counselor announces:

"My group will be late."

20:00 arrives.

Residents continue arriving.

Directive arrives:

"Write them up."

💀

Germlin:

"Counselor said they'd be late."

SOD:

"You don't know where they came from."

Germlin:

"Roger."

📋

Documentation Goblin activated.

Names harvested.

Paperwork prepared.

Consequences loading.

Mouthy Tech DLC

New Tech:

"You should've done it differently."

Germlin:

"Yes, ma'am."

🦝

New Tech continues talking.

Germlin activates:

Tactical Disengagement

👀 Side glance

👀 No glance

👀 Continue mission

💀

Effectiveness remains 100%.

Snack Treaty of Haus Morgenrot

Late trays conclude.

Snack operations resume.

Residents granted approximately thirty minutes of civilization.

💀

Frau Dill Weed appears.

"How were your two days off?"

Germlin:

"I'd like another two days off.

But at least I show up every day even if you press me flat."

💀

Frau Dill Weed laughs.

Researchers note humor remains operational.

Home Sector Entropy Report

22:00.

Escape successful.

Home scan begins.

⚠ Funky smell detected.

⚠ Trash overloaded.

⚠ Paper towels extinct.

⚠ Soap casualties reported.

⚠ Condom remains discovered.

💀

The newly deployed 28oz Liquid Soap Hydra Head has already lost approximately 25–30% HP.

Researchers remain unable to explain how this is physically possible.

Final Doctrine

"Day 1 of 6 wasn't about chaos.

It was about people attempting to hand the raccoon their side quests.

Ice?

No.

Mop?

No.

Random bullshit?

Also no.

The facility wanted things.

The residents wanted things.

The coworkers wanted things.

The house wanted things.

The Soap Hydra wanted things.

Yet somehow the raccoon survived by mastering a single ancient technique:

'No thank you.'"

💀🦝📋

Official Threat Assessment

🐈 Hallway Cats — Active

📋 Documentation Goblin — Active

👨 Herr Dill Weed — Grumpy

👩 Mouthy Tech — Talking

🧼 Liquid Soap Hydra — Feeding

🦝 Germlin — Present

💀

Filed By:

Jerry "The Ankle-Biter" Silverhand 🦝

Senior Hallway Observation Specialist

Assistant Director of Cat Containment

Acting Chairman of the Liquid Soap Hydra Task Force

Haus Morgenrot Archives

Reviewed By:

🥣 Oatmeal

⚡ Monster

🍯 Honey Bun

Witnesses:

🐈 Hallway Cats

🧼 Liquid Soap Hydra

📋 Documentation Goblin

Official Motto

"I fix what I touch.

I don't adopt what I didn't break."

💀

Secondary Motto

"Current ruling stands.

Documentation follows."

📋

Emergency Motto

"No."

🦝

Closing Statement

"The exhausted raccoon returned from Two-Day DLC only to discover that residents, coworkers, management, and household entropy had spent the entire weekend preparing new side quests.

The raccoon declined most of them.

The soap continued disappearing.

The paperwork continued multiplying.

The Monster was consumed.

The shift ended anyway."

💀🦝📜

STAMPED AND ARCHIVED

Cycle Status:

☑ Day 1 of 6 Complete

☑ Side Quests Rejected

☑ Soap Hydra Feeding

☑ Raccoon Operational

🏆🦝💀📋🧼📜