🎭 Gremlin Risitas v2.5 — “Re-Generator: Square’s Final Fantasy VII Naming Crisis”

02 Nov, 2025

Picture it. Midgar, 3 a.m. The office is lit only by flickering monitors and the faint hum of a vending machine that runs on pure nostalgia. Nomura’s at the head of the table wearing sunglasses inside, muttering:

“We have Remake. We have Rebirth. What’s left?”

A nervous intern raises a hand:

“...Re do?”

Nomura glares. Somewhere, a belt buckles itself tighter.

Brainstorm Mode: ON

Re-Union — already taken by the Crisis Core remaster, which means copyright hell.
Re-Vengeance — too metal, but someone’s already drawn Cloud riding Sephiroth like a chocobo while Linkin Park plays.
Re-Instatement — the paperwork simulator nobody asked for.
Re-Cognition — because you finally remembered Zack existed.
Re-Alignment — the moment Aerith and Tifa finally schedule therapy.
Re-Possession — Sephiroth literally becomes the mortgage lender of souls.
Re-Erection — instantly banned in twelve countries but would sell 8 million copies in 24 hours.
Re-Sentment — you beat the game, realize you’re still broke, and uninstall out of spite.
Re-Acquisition — Square buys itself from Square again, creating a temporal loop.
Re-Fried Fantasies — the definitive Taco Bell crossover nobody was ready for.
Re-Upload — the whole plot happens on a YouTube recap channel.
Re-Booty — official DLC costume pack, don’t question it.
Re-Balance — Aerith nerfed, Tifa buffed, Sephiroth now a playable barista.
Re-Taliation — Cloud finally hits back with the power of unpaid overtime.
Re-Surrection — because resurrection didn’t sound holy enough.
Re-Velation — Nomura reveals none of this was real; it was all a G Shade mod.

By dawn, there’s one left on the whiteboard— scribbled in Sharpie, glowing faintly from pure desperation:

“FINAL FANTASY VII RE-CYCLE.”

The tagline?

“Nothing ever ends, only reloads.”

Nomura grins. The vending machine dispenses a Kingdom Hearts keyblade. The intern screams. The gremlin in the rafters laughs and pulls the fire alarm.

🦝 Patch Notes: v2.5 complete. Narrative stability compromised. Belts +3 attack. Please reboot reality.