Gremlin Risitas v3.8 — The “Court Turned Me Into a Civilian” Protocol
- (Dept. of Petty Affairs — Crash Dummy Judiciary Division)
Look…
You ever walk into a fight thinking:
“Win or lose, I’m at least HIM.”
Nah.
Not today, champ.
🧾 Step 1 — You Enter the Courtroom Like a Main Character
You got aura. You got theme music. You got that little internal monologue like:
“This is where I prove myself.”
Then some tired lawyer with a Walmart haircut hits you with:
“Domain Expansion.”
Now your soundtrack cut off.
You hear fluorescent lights buzzing.
🧾 Step 2 — You Try to Talk Your Way Out
“I ain’t do it—”
“GUILTY.”
“But—”
“DOUBLE GUILTY.”
You ain’t even finished your sentence and the judge already printing your L in PDF format.
🧾 Step 3 — Confiscation Hits
“We taking your cursed technique.”
You like:
“That’s cool, I still got hands—”
WRONG.
🧾 Step 4 — Here Come Paintbrush Gandalf
Door open.
Feet don’t even make noise.
This bald monk walk in like he just got done naming planets.
He look at you like:
“Oh you still identifying as dangerous?”
SPLASH.
Now your whole existence got auto-corrected.
Your name ain’t even your name no more.
🧾 Patch Notes (Effective Immediately)
- “Demon King of Destruction” → “Part-Time Employee”
- “Infinite Technique User” → “Needs Training”
- “Certified Crash Dummy” → “Confirmed Crash Dummy”
🧾 Step 5 — You Try to Throw Hands
You swing.
Nothing happens.
Not “missed.”
Not “blocked.”
Just…
“Feature not found.”
You standing there like:
“Hold on… I used to do something crazy… what was it again?”
🧾 Step 6 — Emotional Damage DLC
Judge looking at you.
Monk looking at you.
Even YOUR INNER MONOLOGUE left the chat.
You don’t even feel defeated.
You feel like:
you accidentally logged into the wrong save file.
🧾 Verdict
You ain’t lose. You got factory reset mid-fight.
🧾 Final Statement
You walked in thinking:
“I’m built different.”
You walked out as:
“Default Settings.”