Gremlin Risitas v6.0 — The “Am I a Tech or a Client?” Protocol
Dept. of Petty Affairs · Role Confusion Division
Look…
🧾 Step 0 — The Awakening
Gremlin clocks in.
Badge on.
Radio on.
Mindset?
“I am here to do my job.”
System response:
“No.”
🧾 Step 1 — The Restriction Patch Notes
Update drops overnight:
- Can’t touch hotbox unless chosen one is present ✔
- Can’t help LoP escape the shadow realm ✔
- Can’t take out trash (CONTRABAND™ lurking) ✔
- Can’t leave post without a ceremonial replacement ✔
- Must write up “not on time” like a timekeeper demon ✔
Gremlin reading the list like:
“So what CAN I do… breathe?”
🧾 Step 2 — The Role Confusion
At some point it hits:
Clients:
- restricted ✔
- monitored ✔
- told where to go ✔
Gremlin:
- restricted ✔
- monitored ✔
- told where to go ✔
Pause.
“Hold on… am I staff… or am I DLC?”
🧾 Step 3 — The Hotbox Incident
Gremlin tries to help.
Door locked.
Logic engaged.
Supervisor appears:
“What are you doing?”
Gremlin:
“Attempting… to do job?”
System:
ACCESS DENIED
🧾 Step 4 — The Trash Paradox
Trash full.
Gremlin sees problem.
Gremlin solves problem.
System:
“STOP. CONTRABAND MAY EXIST.”
Gremlin:
“So the trash… stays trash?”
🧾 Step 5 — The LoP Reality
Client tries to move forward.
System says:
“Work off your time.”
Gremlin sees the loop:
unpaid labor endless cycle no clear exit
Gremlin internal:
“This ain’t a system… this a side quest with no reward.”
🧾 Step 6 — The Post Lock
Rule:
“Do not leave your post.”
Even if:
- nothing is happening ✔
- help is needed elsewhere ✔
Gremlin:
“So I stand here… and exist?”
System:
“Correct.”
🧾 Step 7 — The Timekeeper Arc
Dinner ends.
Clock starts.
Clients 2 minutes late?
Gremlin (internally):
“I don’t care…”
Gremlin (externally):
“Badge. Now.”
Because:
system wants paperwork, not understanding
🧾 Step 8 — The Final Realization
After all restrictions…
After all rules…
After all contradictions…
Gremlin reaches enlightenment:
“I am not here to think. I am here to execute.”
🧾 Final Verdict — Filed by Jerry
You’re not a client.
But the system?
treats everyone like a variable to control
🦝 Gremlin Addendum
“They gave me a badge… then put me on the same leash.”
🧾 Doctrine Stamp
When the system makes no sense, you stop trying to make sense of it.
Filed and Stamped: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand
Tribunal Chair · Dept. of Petty Affairs
Motto: “If I’m restricted either way… I might as well get paid for it.”
“Tech by title. Client by restriction. Paid observer of chaos.”