Gremlin Risitas x Letters Never Sent: The OBE Glass Block Gospel
[Gremlin stomps into OBE like a cartoon tank. Helmet tilted. Apron dragging. Metatarsals clunking like clown shoes. A cinder block under one arm, birthday card in his teeth. The whole PPE kit squeaks with every step.]
The job? Broken from the ground up.
- Safety managers fired for not being safe.
- One guy yanked a woman’s glasses off her face because he “lost his.”
- Another safety guy got fired for firing someone who wouldn’t wear PPE — because the rulebreaker “was the only one who knew the machine.”
- Loaders told to find invisible glass that didn’t exist.
Managers? Fired for the dumbest reasons.
Time? Always running out — but no one could manage it.
It was a live-action OSHA parody.
And then came the hurricane. Houston downtown was up and running fast — money talks. But my side? Out for a week, no power. I had to burn PTO like Cookie Monster in a Chips Ahoy factory just to survive the downtime.
I filed for unemployment — act of God, plain and simple. HR? Oh, they cried fraud. Sent me a letter like it was my death note. So I did what any good Gremlin with mafia manners would do: I replied, calm and final.
“I will make sure every one of you gets laid off immediately if you push this fraud case.”
No yelling. No cursing. Just cold precision. Then I left, let them sweat for 24 hours like a boss waiting for his envelope. That’s OBE in a nutshell — glass breaking, HR flailing, me walking out with my shadow still laughing.
Jeff — my old man, my wall — didn’t last either. They set him up, demoted him. He left with two weeks and a middle finger. I gave him a birthday card that said:
“They say age is wasted on the young. Too bad you’re really fucking old.”
Later, I finally sent him the block that defined us:
I’ve seen worse. I’ve been through worse. Go ahead — bring it.
Signed: Emotional Brick Wall Jr.
And from that moment on, I carried the legacy.
[Gremlin drops the block like a mic. El Risitas laughter echoes down the factory floor.]
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