Gremlin Risitas — Zodiac of Noise
The Rat starts it — small voice in the vents, selling hustle courses for $9.99. Every night it squeaks, “I’m different,” while reselling the same cheese.
The Ox joins in — bassline of sighs, clocking fourteen hours and still apologizing for lunch. Corporate says team player; Ox hears free overtime soundtrack.
Tiger rolls up — gym-bro roar, pre-workout fumes. Yells at mirrors for motivation, still trying to fill an emotional protein deficit.
Rabbit vibrates next — jittery, half panic, half caffeine. Thinks silence means death and types faster to stay alive.
Dragon exhales smoke made of buzzwords and crypto promises, calling every cough a revolution.
Snake slides through — per my last message in a whisper, CC’ing HR on every hiss.
Horse gallops in with a podcast quote and a mileage tracker, quoting Nietzsche between honks in traffic.
Goat shows up arguing with Wi-Fi outages and somehow winning, bleating about research nobody asked for.
Monkey? Pure caffeine and distraction. Starts dancing, forgets why. Three million followers, zero peace.
Rooster wakes the block at dawn, convinced the sun needs coaching. Yells first, checks facts later.
Dog arrives loyal as ever — the ping that never stops. Keeps guarding everyone else’s peace while his own door stays wide open — waiting on a bark that sounds like rest. Good boy, burnt soul. Still standing.
Pig? Laughs, naps, and wins. Chased snacks instead of dreams and doesn’t regret any of it.
And through it all, Panda sits off to the side, breathing. Doesn’t subscribe to the noise. Doesn’t need the crown, the chase, or the crowd. Just bamboo, breath, and balance. Blink. Breathe. Win.
Gremlin glances around at the chaos, half-smile forming.
“Whole planet’s a podcast nobody asked for,” he mutters.
He pauses, looks straight at you.
“Still… makes a hell of a Bear Blog, doesn’t it?”
Gremlin tips the Panda a bamboo straw and walks off humming Lo-Fi Inner Peace Beats to Mock To.
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