How to Rands: NPC Mask Protocol – Manager Class
Welcome to the onboarding simulation. You are now under the guidance of Rands, the managerial NPC optimized for High-Functioning Human Simulation™. Please read the user manual carefully to avoid emotional instability, confusion, or trying to apply logic to workplace dynamics.
🤖 Primary Directive: "Humans First™" But only in theory. Because beneath all the “productive human” speak, lies an entire ecosystem of Slack channels, feedback rituals, 1:1 protocols, review cycles, time zone considerations, emoji decoding, acronym puzzles, and HIGH ALERT exception states.
Humans first? You sure? Because this reads like someone loved humans—until they started managing them.
🔁 Weekly Simulation Schedule: Private Slack channel — because feelings are easier to digest when buffered by Wi-Fi.
1:1s — not for updates, but for substance (aka “why you’re burning out”).
60-minute Staff Meetings — still not for updates. This is for “team issues of substance,” which just means someone’s going to cry by minute 47.
24/7 Slack Pings — "I might message you on weekends, but don’t respond unless it says URGENT."
Translation: Respond or I’ll pretend you weren’t a team player.
⚠️ HIGH ALERT Protocol:
This is when the mask slips. All warm fuzzy principles go dark. Time to override your humanity and execute. If you're stuck in HIGH ALERT too long? “Something is broken in my strategy.” No shit, Rands. You just broke us.
🧠 North Star Principles (Patch Notes v7.0):
“I optimize for humans.” Yet you default to systems, flowcharts, and scaling strategies. Pick a lane: Hugbot or Manager.exe?
“Leadership comes from everywhere.” Except when it contradicts your delegation flowchart.
“Start before we’re ready.” Because talking about it too long means someone might realize it’s a bad idea.
“I start with positive intent.” But I also start every meeting with a joke, even if the sky’s on fire.
📢 Feedback Culture:
Gaslight but Make It Polite “I’ll ask for feedback every 1:1. Even if you say you have none, I’ll keep asking.”
Why does that feel more like a threat?
“Disagreement is feedback.”
Sure. Until it’s seen as not being a team player. You can disagree. Just don’t expect your next project to survive the next reshuffle.
🧬 Nuance and Errata (aka The Glitch List):
Introvert. Bad at asking for help. Will work weekends but swears you shouldn’t.
Will forget what you said unless you rephrase it in corporate code or interpretive dance.
Gets triggered by opinions stated as facts, but will often state his own flowchart-based opinions like gospel.
Loves to start things. Doesn’t always finish them. That’s your job now.
🏁 Closing Simulation Log:
“This doc is a living, breathing thing.” Correction: It’s a controlled hallucination of what emotional intelligence looks like in a system that punishes real vulnerability.
This isn't “How to Rands.” It’s how to pretend you’re a functioning adult in a system that rewards polished exhaustion. This is NPC Mask: Manager Class. Congrats on equipping it.
Just don’t forget which parts of you are real under the mask.
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