I Asked for a Reseed, Not a Fucking Devilman Convention.
Or: How a Polite Question About Anime Torrents Became a Lecture, a Demon Summoning, and an Alleged Communist Conspiracy.
By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
A Jerry’s Marginalia — by Department of Petty Affairs
An Official Statement Regarding the Unauthorized Manufacture of Bullshit
On October 25, 2026, the Department of Petty Affairs received a report concerning a gentleman who had committed one of the internet's most unforgivable offenses.
He asked a question.
Politely.
In Portuguese.
With a smiley face.
The gentleman, hereafter referred to as The Paladin, was attempting to locate a procedure for requesting reseeds of older anime torrents on a private tracker.
Not demanding free labor.
Not threatening the staff.
Not declaring war against the server.
Just trying to figure out how to get somebody to seed some old fucking anime.
The Department initially classified this as a routine inquiry.
Unfortunately, someone had apparently left the Human Bullshit Manufacturing Plant™ running overnight.
And production was about to exceed expectations.
Exhibit A: The Crime of Not Reading the Fucking FAQ
The Paladin entered the establishment and offered the following greeting:
Good evening, everyone! 😊 I'd like to know whether there's a channel or procedure for requesting reseeds of older torrents.
He thanked everyone for their attention and assistance.
A perfectly ordinary interaction.
One that should have required approximately fifteen seconds and perhaps two functioning brain cells.
A representative of the establishment, whom the Department shall identify as Lord FAQington of the Unnecessary Lecture, provided the requested information.
To request a reseed, simply visit the torrent's page and click the appropriate link.
Excellent!
Useful!
The Department applauds this development.
Unfortunately, Lord FAQington was not finished.
He added:
"It's written in the FAQ, which you should have read before registering on the tracker."
Ah.
There it is.
The complimentary serving of condescension.
Because apparently, answering a question without reminding somebody of their intellectual shortcomings constitutes a violation of the International Internet Moderator Code.
The Department wishes to make something abundantly clear.
Having a FAQ is reasonable. Expecting people to consult it is reasonable. Answering a question while taking an unnecessary swipe at the person asking it is a choice.
A choice that provides absolutely no additional information.
The Paladin needed to know where the reseed button was.
He did not request an evaluation of his reading comprehension.
Nevertheless, the Department acknowledges that Lord FAQington successfully answered the original question.
We therefore award him one gold star for technical accuracy.
And deduct seventeen for being a fucking prick about it.
Exhibit B: THE DEMON HAS ENTERED THE CHAT
At this point, a reasonable person might expect the conversation to end.
Question asked.
Question answered.
Everyone returns to their regularly scheduled anime piracy archaeology.
But no.
Lord FAQington had another announcement.
He declared:
"Changing the subject."
A promising development.
Perhaps he intended to discuss upcoming releases.
Perhaps tracker maintenance.
Perhaps the weather.
Instead, he introduced himself as a grand defender of anime and invoked Zannin from Devilman.
Yes.
That Devilman.
The Department has reviewed the accompanying image.
It depicts a green demon with blue limbs, an expression of considerable hostility, and absolutely no apparent qualifications in torrent administration.
The gentleman proceeded to announce that he would not allow Zannin's attack against people to go unpunished.
The Department would like to remind readers that approximately thirty seconds earlier, we were discussing a fucking reseed button.
How did we get here?
Who authorized this crossover?
Was Zannin responsible for the missing seeders?
Does he have a ShaKaw account?
Has anybody checked his ratio?
These questions remain unanswered.
Gerald the Cactus has suggested that the demon may have simply forgotten to enable port forwarding.
The Department considers this hypothesis no less substantiated than anything that followed.
Exhibit C: THE GREAT COMMUNIST TORRENT CONSPIRACY OF 2026
And then, dear readers, things became even more interesting.
Lord FAQington alleged that communists were deliberately removing seeds from torrents on the tracker.
Why?
According to his account, because they disliked One Piece.
The reported casualty count:
375 torrents.
Three hundred.
Seventy-five.
Torrents.
The Department regrets to inform the public that we have not independently verified the existence of this organized ideological anti-seeding operation.
We have, however, confirmed that somebody typed the allegation into Discord.
Which is not remotely the same fucking thing.
Let us examine the proposed chain of events.
Someone dislikes One Piece.
Therefore, they stop seeding torrents.
Not necessarily One Piece torrents, mind you.
Apparently, the entire establishment is now a battlefield in an ideological struggle involving anime, file-sharing etiquette, and a villain from Devilman.
The Department would ordinarily recommend further investigation.
Unfortunately, our investigative budget consists of one raccoon, a cactus, and an unpaid intern who may or may not be a hallucination.
We have therefore classified the matter as:
CASE 375-DEMON: THE GREAT UNVERIFIED SEEDING APOCALYPSE.
No arrests have been made.
No demons have been questioned.
Gerald has requested political asylum inside a flowerpot.
Exhibit D: The Paladin Declines to Enter the Circus
Now comes the most interesting part.
The Paladin did not respond to the unnecessary FAQ lecture.
He did not challenge Lord FAQington to a duel.
He did not demand an apology.
He did not attempt to explain that a person can ask a question without being a fucking moron.
He simply took the useful information and moved on.
And frankly?
Good.
Because there's something deeply exhausting about people who cannot provide basic assistance without making the recipient feel as though they've committed a social offense.
You know the type.
You ask where something is.
They tell you.
Then they explain why you should have already known.
You ask how something works.
They explain.
Then they remind you that the answer was available somewhere else.
You thank them.
They act as though you've inconvenienced civilization.
Congratulations.
You've answered the question and manufactured an entirely unnecessary conflict.
The Human Bullshit Manufacturing Plant™ has met its quarterly production target.
And the Paladin?
He has better things to do.
Unfinished anime isn't going to subtitle itself.
Exhibit E: Courtesy Is Not an Invitation to Condescension
The Department has encountered a peculiar misunderstanding concerning politeness.
Some people apparently believe that when somebody approaches them courteously, they have been granted permission to deliver a lecture.
This is incorrect.
Courtesy is not submission.
A smiley face is not a request to be talked down to.
And saying please and thank you does not mean a person has surrendered the right to think your response was unnecessarily rude.
The Paladin was polite because he chose to be polite.
Not because Lord FAQington outranked him in the sacred hierarchy of internet torrent administrators.
The Department supports reading FAQs.
We support following tracker rules.
We support maintaining ratios, respecting communities, and helping preserve obscure anime.
What we do not support is the belief that knowing something another person doesn't know automatically makes you superior to them.
You knew where the button was.
Wonderful.
You could have shared that information without the additional commentary.
Instead, you decided to provide customer service with a complimentary side of attitude.
And somehow, a Devilman villain.
That last part remains particularly impressive.
Final Findings: Not Every Question Requires a Fucking Personality Test
After reviewing the available evidence, the Department of Petty Affairs has reached the following conclusions.
The Paladin asked a legitimate question.
Lord FAQington provided a correct and useful answer.
The additional FAQ remark was unnecessary and condescending.
The subsequent Devilman declaration was unrelated to the original inquiry.
And the allegations concerning communist torrent sabotage remain unverified.
It is entirely possible that the representative had answered the same question many times before.
It is entirely possible that he was frustrated.
It is also entirely possible that he simply communicates this way.
We do not know.
And frankly, we don't need to know his innermost psychological motivations to recognize an unnecessary remark.
The Department also acknowledges that the Paladin is not immune to sarcasm.
Quite the contrary.
He employs a raccoon specifically for that purpose.
But this time, he chose not to participate.
No rebuttal.
No argument.
No public confrontation in the Discord channel.
Just the information he needed and the decision to move along.
Because sometimes the most satisfying response to somebody else's attitude is refusing to make it your responsibility.
Closing Statement
To the tracker community:
Thank you for preserving older anime. It's genuinely appreciated. Finding obscure material and keeping it available matters, especially to people trying to complete projects abandoned years ago.
To anyone answering questions from newcomers:
You can point someone toward the FAQ without treating them like an idiot.
The words are free.
The courtesy costs nothing.
And your authority will survive the traumatic experience of being helpful.
To Lord FAQington:
Thank you for explaining the reseed procedure.
That part was useful.
The lecture was optional.
The demon was unexpected.
And the communist torrent conspiracy requires considerably more evidence than an announcement in a Discord channel.
To Zannin:
Please return any missing torrent pieces immediately.
Your ratio is becoming a matter of departmental concern.
And to the Paladin:
Keep working on those unfinished anime projects.
Keep asking questions when you need answers.
Keep your courtesy.
And remember:
You can appreciate somebody's help without appreciating their fucking attitude.
DPA FINAL DISPOSITION
Questions asked: 1.
Useful answers received: 1.
Unnecessary lectures: 1.
Anime demons summoned: 1.
Torrents allegedly boycotted: 375.
Evidence establishing the alleged conspiracy: Not presented.
Arguments initiated by the Paladin: 0.
Ankles bitten: None. Restraint was exercised.
Gerald's remaining patience: Classified.
Apologies issued by the Department: Absolutely fucking none.
INTERNET RULE 64½
Encounter something ridiculous. Decide it isn't for you. Move along.
And one final reminder from the Department:
Being knowledgeable is useful. Being condescending is optional. Don't confuse the fucking two.
Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/